As a Child

As a child I wanted to be a doctor
To cure people of disease
As a teen I wanted to be a neurosurgeon
To fix brains with a scalpel

As a young woman
I became a psychotherapist
To fix troubled youth with broken lives
With the exchange of spoken words

I kept falling apart
My brain was broken
My thoughts self-loathing or racing
My emotions unbearably intense

Over and over
I sought and received help
First with psychotherapy
Later with medicine

Today I remain a broken woman
Still healing, still learning
Today I use words, written words, spoken words
To touch, heal, and teach others

Or so I hope

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46 thoughts on “As a Child

    • Kitt O'Malley August 21, 2014 / 1:58 pm

      Thank you. Yes, of course I have the courage. I have a kid, too, who needs me. And, I have purpose.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Nuuray August 19, 2014 / 12:23 am

    Thank you for your honesty. I think as humans being we all need to touch a life. For the benefit and our own.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dani August 18, 2014 / 4:43 pm

    Oh, Kitt, we are all broken, but it different ways. May the words you speak and write continue to heal your heart and soul. And may they continue to breathe life into others…myself included.

    With heart,
    Dani

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley August 18, 2014 / 5:52 pm

      I agree, Dani, that we are all broken and that it is okay that we are broken. We are loved in our brokenness.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Tobey August 17, 2014 / 3:15 am

    You are not alone, there is a silent army of us.
    Broken but who keep it together to take care of the world.
    We leave ourselves behind and suffer.
    I should have learned how to be selfish instead of a codependent.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley August 17, 2014 / 12:35 pm

      We must take care of ourselves, yes. But my brokenness is not so much due to codependence as it is to mental illness. Having bipolar disorder does put me at risk of overworking during my hypomanic phases, of which employers once did take advantage.

      Like

      • Tobey August 17, 2014 / 9:10 pm

        I wish that I could blame it on “bi-polar”. I have been upgraded to major depressive disorder as they’ve added Abilify (hello weight gain!). It’s never easy…
        Hang in there!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Kitt O'Malley August 18, 2014 / 1:01 pm

          Major depressive disorder can be biological in origin, as well as a reaction to grief or to trauma.

          Like

          • Tobey August 25, 2014 / 8:24 pm

            Well, I believe that I’ve got all of those on my side…
            But I am heading in the right direction.
            Everyday I am doing (ok, maybe every other day) something for ME.
            Today I cleared off my cluttered desk!

            Liked by 1 person

            • Kitt O'Malley August 26, 2014 / 1:39 pm

              Bravo! Small victories are huge victories. Upon them, we build our recovery to improved mental health.

              Like

  4. PurpleHeadspace August 17, 2014 / 1:47 am

    Your words have been of great support to me Kitt. I truly think you have an empathy that shines despite the miles between us.

    I am studying psychology and perhaps this is what leads us to such paths, our underlying experience – I was not aware of my bipolar or even deep troubles before starting my study path. I of course was aware I suffer depression from ‘time to time’ but ultimately working with children in care as a foster carer is what drove me into psychology in my concious mind.

    Thank you so much for taking the time to support me, i will be forever grateful and wish you well for years to come.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley August 17, 2014 / 12:25 pm

      Thank you, and thank you for fostering children. I wish you the best with your mental health, in your psychology studies, and in your future.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. emmasouthlondon August 17, 2014 / 12:57 am

    Thanks for sharing, Kitt.
    Your poem is touching, beautiful and graphic.
    Your words do help others, I can vouch for that.
    Glad I found your blog.
    Emma x.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Francisco J. Veismann August 16, 2014 / 10:48 pm

    Hi and many thanks

    Thanks

    avi

    Liked by 1 person

  7. glenn2point0 August 16, 2014 / 7:53 pm

    Hey Kitt, thanks for not mixing words. We are broken, and this is highlighted and at its most extreme if you take away our medications. And who knows how long the medications will be effective for? And, yes, your words touch others. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley August 17, 2014 / 12:10 pm

      You are welcome. We mourn the loss of dreams, of expectations, of functionality, when we are saddled with a mental illness. Life, quite simply, is not fair.

      Like

  8. Gunmetal Geisha August 16, 2014 / 6:30 pm

    I wish we could exchange “broken” for “shaken.” “Broken” seems final. “Shaken” could go on for a long time, but it could stop too.

    Like

  9. stockdalewolfe August 16, 2014 / 6:06 pm

    Thank you for educating us all on Bipolar disorder with your intelligent, honest prose and poetry. You are doing Bipolars a tremendous service.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Just Plain Ol' Vic August 16, 2014 / 5:36 pm

    This is such a beautifully worded post, so honest. Personally I do not like to think of anyone with mental health issues as “broken.” Certainly I do not look at my wife that way.

    Humans are wonderfully complex and flawed creatures. To be flawed, to have challenges in life and to strive to overcome is part of the human experience.

    In the short time I have known you, I am confident that you have the strength to heal!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. erin stokes August 16, 2014 / 3:52 pm

    Dear Kitt,

    After reading the material in your blog, I would like to ammend my comment.

    Thank you for sharing your story. Your courage is inspiring to me on a personal level. The education that you are offering to the public is fantastic. I wish you fulfilling success professionally and personally. I am excited to be able to follow your story in future.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley August 16, 2014 / 5:22 pm

      Thank you, Erin. Very thoughtful and generous of you.

      Like

  12. philsblog01 August 16, 2014 / 3:40 pm

    Kitt, you may be wounded by life’s arrows, you are not broken. Your very blog, including your poetry clearly demonstrate that. Phil.

    Like

  13. Indah Susanti August 16, 2014 / 3:18 pm

    So deep and beautiful, sincere and thoughtful. Be strong and I know you are and you will…my best wishes for you..

    Liked by 1 person

  14. mihrank August 16, 2014 / 3:09 pm

    wow – what a strong honest introduction about yourself. I am glad and humbled sharing it. I will always wish you success and good health!!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. erin stokes August 16, 2014 / 3:07 pm

    That was beautiful Kitt. Terribly honest and honestly terrible. I am sorry for your suffering, I know plenty of it myself.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley August 16, 2014 / 5:08 pm

      Thank you so much. Sorry to hear that you have known suffering, too.

      Like

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