Melissa passed on as did my brother-in-law Don. Grief that I denied myself now hits me. Now I realize how much compassion I withheld from my husband as I defended myself from pain and from being needed. My prayers go out to Melissa’s family and to my in-laws. The tears flow easily now.
Unfortunately, in my hypomanic flurry of activity of late, I lost control of my anger, my rage. Yesterday morning, I lost my temper with my son when he would not wake up and go to school. I hit him on the arm to rise him. I hurt him. I abused him. He cried. He rolled up into a ball and cried. I forced him to go to school unprepared and emotionally raw. I went into the school’s office. I spoke frankly with his guidance counselor. I emailed the school psychologist at her recommendation.
My son has given me the silent treatment since the incident. I deserve his silence and worse.
Distraught over my behavior, yesterday I twice called NAMI Orange County‘s Warm Line at (714) 991-6412. Last night, as I left the house to cool off, I made this voice recording, which I have not yet transcribed (I apologize to those who cannot hear it).