Still Insecure

#BeReal Image of me without make-up on left, wrinkles and turkey neck evident. Image of me with make-up and hair blown dry straight on right, no wrinkles or turkey neck in evidence.

Hastywords asked me to participate in her #BeReal campaign. On my first response to one of her questions, I showed my insecurity rather than my confidence. Both are just as much a part of me. Just as real. I am not without self-doubt or self-loathing. I am both confident and insecure.

Here is her question and my first response. (I rewrote it and sent her a more confident response for publication.)

Q: What do you think most people think about you by just seeing your picture?

A: Left-hand image: middle-aged, fat, plain, sex-less. Right-hand image: white privileged bitch.

Honestly, I have no desire to analyze my response. Only want to put it out there. Sometimes I feel good about myself, other times I do not. I am not as sexy as I once was.

I do not present myself as sexy, for that would be inappropriate. My son would die of embarrassment, and my husband prefers that I present that side of myself in private only to him.

I am aware that I am privileged. I know that. I look like the educated, upper middle class suburban mother that I am. When I speak, I often use big words, which can be offputting. Not everyone likes me. So be it.

40 thoughts on “Still Insecure

  1. bipolarbarbieq July 20, 2015 / 12:25 am

    This makes me giggle a little bit in a slightly morbid way. My instagram tagline that I use for all my flower photos is “Remember kids, life is much more complicated than it seems on Instagram”. We’re all hard wired to judge I think, but we can work to manage doing it negatively on the other hand. I think so at least.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley July 20, 2015 / 11:38 am

      Interesting that your example is flowers pics on Instagram. Taking photos of beautiful flowers is one of my favorite ways of cheering myself up. Beauty is real and we respond to it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. brittabottle July 19, 2015 / 8:02 pm

    I’ve come to determine that it’s impossible to expect everyone to like you. Some people just don’t click…and some people will find any reason to not like you just because.

    This is an awesome, real, and honest post, Kitt!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. bipolarsojourner July 19, 2015 / 7:55 pm

    same answer for either, attractive mid-aged women. knowing the brain, your online personality and the success through your struggle only increases the attractiveness.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. hirundine608 July 19, 2015 / 2:54 pm

    Everyone wants to be thought of, as sexy. As we age, sexy has to be more about accomplishments and attitude. More than any sort of “Munroe” or “Dean” type of young sexy.

    Privileged? Maybe but who are we comparing ourselves to?

    I rate privileged, as someone who avoids the draft because of family connections. Or go to schools that is having the education paid for. Someone who has the backing of a cabal, or such. That would be politicians, military officers and bankers.

    Educated? Well that’s about desire. A desire for knowledge. You don’t have to be privileged or wealthy for that. That comes from the fire inside. You really cannot buy education. You can try but it takes work.

    For me “being real”, is not about photos without make-up. Or even about being sexy, privileged or educated. “Being real” is an understanding, the humility and love for our planet and the creatures that inhabit and share it. Being honest and lack of giant ego. An ego that fools us all into thinking we’re better than we are. “Being real” is coming to terms with life and the aging process. We are still all sexy, privileged and educated. But there is also an honesty with ourselves and an admission that our ego is not as large as we once may have thought it to be. Cheers Jamie.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Kitt O'Malley July 19, 2015 / 4:00 pm

      Thank you, Jamie. I like your definition of being real. Humility and love is really what life is about, at least a life worth living.

      Liked by 1 person

    • caoimhelionheart July 20, 2015 / 9:24 am

      Spot on Jamie, being educated is sexy, and to be real is to be accepting, being grateful for who you are and how you can help others. Great post Kitt!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Just Plain Ol' Vic July 19, 2015 / 2:08 pm

    I think you are wonderful exactly the way you are. Period.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. blahpolar July 19, 2015 / 2:00 pm

    I try to remind myself of something I read who knows where – that any focus on one’s own appearance is actually a sort of vanity. It doesn’t work. Love your no awards button btw. I’m definitely nominating you for the all from now on 😀

    Liked by 1 person

        • Kitt O'Malley July 19, 2015 / 11:40 pm

          This time of night, neither do I. I think I meant that in writing this post about my appearance, I’m getting attention, and in so doing, satisfying my need for ego stroking. Always been something of a performer and attention whore.

          Liked by 1 person

          • blahpolar July 19, 2015 / 11:41 pm

            Ah OK Ja I hear you. As you know, I possess those traits too 😉

            Liked by 1 person

  7. swtswtsue July 19, 2015 / 1:10 pm

    I do the same exact thing, Kitt. I wish we weren’t so hard on ourselves. Just like you, I’m doing my best to work on that.

    If only you could see yourself from my perspective. But that’s much easier said than done, eh? 😉 You’re lovely – in every sense of the word.

    I admire your bravery in sharing such a transparent post. You’re doing the work, and it’s showing. Well done, my friend. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Deanne July 19, 2015 / 12:50 pm

    I think the #Be Real look awesome. To be honest like it a lot better. You seem more alive, more relax, more happy, more confident… I think it’s beautiful:-)

    Liked by 2 people

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