I Give Up (Again)

I Give Up (Again). I Admit Defeat. I Surrender. I Let Go.

Here is where I must admit defeat or acknowledge my limitations and sensitivity to social stimulation. I’ve been hypomanic since I began coming into the NAMI Orange County office to volunteer, and since I offered to help with social media. Apparently, both overstimulate me. I love everyone at the NAMI office and so want to help, but I must acknowledge my own limitations and slow down.

I still very much look forward to participating in my local NAMI Walks (please consider walking with or sponsoring me) & raising as much money as possible. I still very much look forward to being an Ending the Silence presenter in local high schools and a Provider Education panelist.

Of course, I will continue to shout out for NAMI and good mental health as myself and as a NAMI volunteer.

Sorry to my friends at the NAMI Orange County office. I always do this – take something on that I cannot handle & then back off.

In one of the coloring books my sister gave me for my birthday to help me with my ramping hypomania, I found this apt quote:

Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress. — Melody Beattie

My problem is that I want to help everyone, rescue all, offer of myself what I really cannot spare.

48 thoughts on “I Give Up (Again)

  1. dyane August 30, 2015 / 6:07 pm

    I’d say this weekend I’m finally coming down from the conference from the hypomania courtesy of 15 mg of Seroquel/night.As the conference ended August 16th, that’s a chunk of time to be running on hypomania fumes, and then as you know I’ve been affected by my family member’s rapid demise.
    My dear, I’m proud of you for walking away from an unhealthy, stimulating volunteer situation; I *****totally**** understand because I’ve “been there, done that” numerous times. It’s very difficult to go through that – to make the commitment, and then realize it’s not working, but if anyone should understand, it’s the staff at your NAMI.

    Sending you my love and hopes that this week you’re able to rest more, keep coloring those gorgeous drawings, starting thinking of being Alsuwaidan-like again (I fell off the wagon last night due to food poisoning but I’m going to get back on that ellip. tomorrow night, maybe you could join me virtually??) and take care of a beautiful gal who helps SO many people but now must focus upon herself once again: Lady Kitt! XOXOXOX

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley August 31, 2015 / 10:58 am

      Thank you, Dy! Yes, you know quite well what it’s like to become overstimulated and hypomanic. Takes its toll! Yes, too, I must get back to exercising. I miss you!

      Today was supposed to be my son’s first day back at school. He felt sick last night and this morning – no doubt stress-related anxiety. I told him he could take independent study. He has chosen to enroll in k12.com honors program. The independent study offered by our school district does not offer the advanced classes he is intellectually ready for. He still needs to make up his incompletes from last semester, so helping him, being his “mentor” is my new job.

      Liked by 1 person

      • dyane September 1, 2015 / 9:20 am

        Hey Kitt, I’m so glad you told your son he could do independent study, despite the drawbacks (lack of advanced classes that he could ace in his sleep!) I’m incredibly proud of you for being his mentor/mother – I know the situation is not easy but I also know you’re doing what’s best for him. You’ll both be in my thoughts – and you’ll get back to exercsing when you can. Your little loving “nag” is here to send you gentle reminders. XOXOX

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Jim Buchanan August 30, 2015 / 4:06 pm

    I know over-commitment, don’t feel bad about doing what you can and leaving the rest.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley August 31, 2015 / 10:54 am

      Thanks, Jim. It’s almost diagnostic of bipolar disorder.

      Like

  3. badhalolife August 30, 2015 / 2:53 pm

    Oh Kitt, that sounds so familiar!! I have done this many times. Please please don’t feel guilty about it. After all, you offered your services with the best of intentions. If you COULD go through with it you would, but we don’t live in a perpetual state of mania do we.. Just remember that you already do so much for the cause. You ain’t superwoman!!

    Take care. Not just of others, but of yourself xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Just Plain Ol' Vic August 30, 2015 / 2:38 pm

    This is just another step on the journey of self awareness. Don’t be too hard on yourself, your intentions are good and that is what matters most!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley August 31, 2015 / 10:53 am

      Thanks, Vic. By now you’d think I’d know myself pretty well! But, yes, it’s an ongoing process as my mind and body do change as I age (and as my son ages into adolescence and continues to struggle with chronic health issues, quite frankly).

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Stephanie T August 30, 2015 / 2:24 pm

    Hi Kitt. I was diagnosed as having depression and anxiety for so many years and then with a semi break down a few months ago I was re-evaluated and diagnosed with bipolar. Im more depressive than manic. Having this new diagnosis provides relief but is also very disheartening for me, especially when it comes to situations like you are experiencing now. Before, I would volunteer with the complete confidence of knowing that if I tried hard enough and put in the effort I would succeed, even though most of the time I was unable to give my all and eventually had to back out, there was still hope for a next time. Now that I am bipolar I realize that the outcome is going to be the same. I love to work with the kids and the opportunity has arisen again, I explained in detail what Im going thru in hopes that they will understand why Im not always there. They agreed to let me help as I can and I intend to giving it 100 percent. But, I am very worried that I will fail. Im glad that you posted this because it provides strength for someone like me to not go past my limits and to be OK with that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley August 31, 2015 / 10:51 am

      Yay! I’m so proud of you that you discussed your limitations and desire to help as you can. You can volunteer (volunteering with kids is wonderful – I loved volunteering in the classroom when my son was in elementary school). The issue is taking care of yourself, too.

      Like

  6. Running Elk August 30, 2015 / 2:04 pm

    So sorry Kitt that you found it too much, but so glad you recognised what was happening and chose to let t go. Stay well, dear heart. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. bpnurse August 30, 2015 / 1:38 pm

    This is so typical of hypomania. I’m glad you figured things out early enough to prevent becoming completely overwhelmed. Good for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Leslie August 30, 2015 / 1:35 pm

    I love Melody Beattie. I’m sorry you aren’t able to do as much as you would like. But, I’m glad you recognized the problem before it became immense

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley August 30, 2015 / 1:58 pm

      Thank you, Leslie. I’m continually trying to figure out what I can and cannot do while maintaining my health.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Bipolar1Blog August 30, 2015 / 1:07 pm

    Love this, especially the quote and your realizing that giving up is the best thing to do. I need to do this much more often too. Thank you for posting!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley August 30, 2015 / 1:57 pm

      Thank you, Samina. Thank you for your Suicide Prevention Awareness blog post, as well as all the great content you blog.

      Liked by 1 person

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