I Give Up (Again)

I Give Up (Again). I Admit Defeat. I Surrender. I Let Go.

Here is where I must admit defeat or acknowledge my limitations and sensitivity to social stimulation. I’ve been hypomanic since I began coming into the NAMI Orange County office to volunteer, and since I offered to help with social media. Apparently, both overstimulate me. I love everyone at the NAMI office and so want to help, but I must acknowledge my own limitations and slow down.

I still very much look forward to participating in my local NAMI Walks (please consider walking with or sponsoring me) & raising as much money as possible. I still very much look forward to being an Ending the Silence presenter in local high schools and a Provider Education panelist.

Of course, I will continue to shout out for NAMI and good mental health as myself and as a NAMI volunteer.

Sorry to my friends at the NAMI Orange County office. I always do this – take something on that I cannot handle & then back off.

In one of the coloring books my sister gave me for my birthday to help me with my ramping hypomania, I found this apt quote:

Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress. — Melody Beattie

My problem is that I want to help everyone, rescue all, offer of myself what I really cannot spare.

48 thoughts on “I Give Up (Again)

  1. NorthForkMary September 4, 2015 / 5:43 am

    This always happens to me too…taking something on only to find I can’t do it. It makes you feel like failure, big time. My therapist says I do this because I want to do..whatever it is…so badly, that I say yes before fully knowing what I’ll have to do. I’m desperately in search of a way to support myself. Recently I became a Certified Mystery Shopper. Yes, it’s real, not a scam – if you do your research & find the legit source – which I did. I really thought this was doable for me. I paid $25 to take the beginner course & become certified through MSI. Jobs started coming my way immediately. The jobs were at stores in the main part of town, which is 15 mins away for me. I noticed right away that the pay was very low. I also noticed that the more experienced shoppers were getting the easy, do it from home, online jobs that paid much higher. I thought that once I got some experience, that I would get those jobs too – and I probably would have. What I didn’t know is that you have to commit to being at a certain store on a very specific day & time. This is where I failed. I never know how I’m going to feel from one day to the next or even one hour to the next. I eagerly signed up for assignments that I could never complete due to the pain & fatigue I was feeling on the day & time of the assignments. Not showing up & completing an assignment is a big no-no. It gives you a bad rep as a field agent. So I stopped applying for assignments. I now realize that I failed at this for the same reason that I can’t commit to the traditional 9-5 job. I need to find a way to support myself that can mostly be done at home. I know my limitations & should have thought this through more. I hate my limitations, but if I’m going to be successful at anything, I need to work within them.
    I understand how you feel. I keep hearing/reading the same advice: “Do what you can, not what you can’t.”I recently signed up to be a volunteer with the U.S. Pain Foundation. I hope very much that I can do this & not fail again. I want to advocate & educate people about what it’s like to live with chronic pain & fatigue. I think what you’re doing is great & you are very brave. If this organization understands your limitations & is still willing to let you volunteer…that is amazing. Good luck. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley September 4, 2015 / 11:47 am

      Yes, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) understands, as it is it’s mission to support those of us with lived experience and our families. Same would apply, no doubt, to the U.S. Pain Foundation. My son lives with chronic pain (migraines). People who do not live with chronic illness do not know what it is like. Those who do, or love someone who does, do understand. It’s hard. We want to be able to do more.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. vanbytheriver September 2, 2015 / 6:03 pm

    We’ve all been where you were, Kitt, but many of us stayed in denial of the issue until it blew up in our face. Kudos to you for your awareness…that is such a huge part of the solution and the road to balance. 💕 Be well.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. TradeRoutz livingStyle September 1, 2015 / 4:15 am

    you hit it right on the head. Over stimulation is so bad for us, but the double edged sword, is that without it, we can get quite lonely and bored. I love what you’ve written, thanks for sharing x x

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley September 1, 2015 / 8:19 pm

      Indeed. I will continue to go back and forth, offering to volunteer, trying to find the right balance, which of course changes as my mood changes.

      Like

  4. Gertie August 31, 2015 / 5:33 pm

    NAMI should understand or at least I hope they understand your limitations. NAMI in my area sucks so I pretty much given up on them and I live in a major city. Glad NAMI is working out for you.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. debiriley August 31, 2015 / 3:10 pm

    its wisdom to pause when you need to pause, before restarting the journey again. good for you. I’d like to be as wise… my issue is a constellation of autoimmune disorders – but, in essence I don’t have the ooomph that ‘normal’ people do & expect. & I just keep on trying to be ‘normal’ LOL silly me.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley August 31, 2015 / 8:16 pm

      My son struggles with a constellation of health issues, including migraines, depression, anxiety, and problems with his immune system, if not an autoimmune disorder. Today he was unable to get out of bed to start the school year. He spent last night vomiting. So, enrolled him in online high school. We’ll see how that goes. It’s an ongoing process for the two of us.

      Liked by 1 person

      • debiriley September 1, 2015 / 4:44 pm

        I can and do, appreciate that whole business of autoimmune and migraines… its a hmmm “pesky nuisance” a polite phrase 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  6. kerrilwilliams August 31, 2015 / 10:33 am

    Yes, I also get overwhelmed when taking on a new project and unfortunately I get manic, thank you for sharing as now I know I’m not the only one. Good luck friend

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley August 31, 2015 / 11:48 am

      Without doubt, you are not alone in having mania and mood cycling triggered when overwhelmed.

      Liked by 1 person

      • kerrilwilliams September 1, 2015 / 1:13 am

        It’s very frustrating especially if its something you enjoy doing. Guess we have to stick together and support one another.

        Liked by 2 people

  7. A Journey With You August 31, 2015 / 6:30 am

    Just because you have to slow down, doesn’t mean you failed. We all have to set and find our limits. I know it sucks not to be able to do all the things other people seem to do so easily. You do a lot. It is enough. I hope you have a good day.

    Liked by 2 people

      • Anonymous August 31, 2015 / 12:05 pm

        Habitually I take on lot of responsibility, then have to pull back. Mania me always takes on too much.

        Liked by 2 people

  8. Sheila North August 31, 2015 / 2:22 am

    Hi Kitt, so sorry to hear this, but good to know that you realise when you’re becoming overstimulated.

    You have a loving heart, witness this: “My problem is that I want to help everyone, rescue all, offer of myself what I really cannot spare.”

    I was on a WRAP course three or more years ago, where one of the people leading the course said, “We can’t look after other people if we don’t look after ourselves.” Those words come back to me every time I have to take a few days off from my work (mental health) because I realise I’m starting to become unwell.

    Take care. The NAMI work in high schools sounds amazing: would love to see this in the UK. Correction: in the world!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley August 31, 2015 / 11:46 am

      Yes! Mental health is actually part of the health curriculum in terms of stress and anxiety and depression. Not so much bipolar disorder or schizophrenia or other mental illnesses. It helps to have people with lived experience speak and present, for obvious reasons – helps to destigmatize, put a face to the issue, help students be compassionate. The kids are great, by the way. They really seem to get it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sheila North September 1, 2015 / 6:54 am

        Good to know that the kids get it: this fills me with hope. I’m all for a more compassionate world.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. bipolarsojourner August 30, 2015 / 10:14 pm

    hypo mania sucks! i am sad you are facing it yet again. You seemed to be doing so well with your nami work. anxiety robed that from you. that really isn’t fair. i hope you can find a level stability again.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley August 31, 2015 / 11:43 am

      I’m still volunteering with them. I will be doing Ending the Silence presentations in high school and Provider Education (for mental health and health professionals). I just may not be able to do social media or phone calls.

      Like

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