What’s so bad about being a loner? Why is “social isolation” always referred to negatively? Can’t individuals have different needs? Some of us cannot tolerate social stimulation. Some of us do better alone, with a small family, with a close partner. Some of us do not do well in groups.
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Personally, I couldn’t agree more Kitt my old friend 😉 I have always been inspired by loners and as such, I have always aspired to be alone… do you remember this…
[opening narration]
Narrator: Knight Rider, a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist. Michael Knight, a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless, in a world of criminals who operate above the law.
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Kitt, I have to tell you, you are creative, informative, valuable writer. Your words are powerful, a great wake up call…deserve always the best!
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Thank you, Mihran.
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Remember and say to yourself: “I AM manifesting my own reality”. I do what I like, as long as my intention causes no harm to LIFE. I AM alive, what more do i need. When u realise this then u become free from desire and u are no longer a slave of fear. u are a perfect being learning the meaning of perfection through an imperfect being. LIFE is LIFE is LIFE. Manifest peace, calm and happiness and sit quietly as you contemplate contentment. Maybe after you have done this you may choose to share what you have learnt with others..? through my calmness, peace and happiness, other begin to see the potential within themselves.
This is why we are never truly alone, even when we sit peacefully in isolation. LIFE always keeps us company, death creates nothing and from nothing is a new beginning. Do not fear death, only embrace LIFE and you will never have a need for death.
The circle of LIFE never ends. This is the only thing that I AM completely certain of 🙂
May peace and LOVE be with you, always. x
PS: Have you already found the paradox?
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I do share with others openly. I was collaborating on an unfinished post. She’s writing it as a guest post. I posted a draft for her to see before the final copy.
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Apologies. I did not mean to intrude, I thought you were leaving clues… 🙂
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The post was confusing. I don’t usually post password protected posts.
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Not to me is wasn’t 😉
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Paradoxes are often true, as far as I can tell.
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I agree, otherwise they wouldn’t exists, right? and how can nothing exist without something to witness nothing…
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definitely the label ‘loner’ has huge negative society impact, at least from my experiences. Now, I say that I have ‘appointments’….. I choose not to elaborate with whom those appointments are with. why bother, when they would not understand my appt. is with myself! 🙂
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Love it!
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Sometimes I want the connection of others, I miss it. With all of my illnesses and moving due to hubbies job, and losing my hearing, I’ve been forced into more isolation. I like it more than a lot of people around me now, I’m not comfortable in groups, but I miss those times too. Sometimes I just miss a group of friends getting together. Or maybe I just miss that support group, I thought I had. Hard realizing they weren’t really as much of a support as I thought. Not really the friends I thought. I’m made to feel like there is something wrong with me because the only local friends I have are my husband. He is made to feel the same way. Sometimes by me. I worry he gets too caught up in caring for me and needs that outlet, but he has always been a loner. He just likes a group to play games with….he doesn’t care if they are real friends. maybe I should be quiet and just let him be a loner. 🙂
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I imagine that losing your hearing isolates you among those who can hear. One of my sister-in-laws is deaf, and I can see that she is even isolated among her extended family. Not everyone is fluent in ASL. I’m glad that you can maintain relationships over the Internet by writing and commenting. Right now, we’re having a conversation. This IS social interaction. Just not in person.
As for your husband, I would recommend communicating with him. Ask him how he feels. Only he can tell you whether he is happy or whether he feels isolated.
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Absolutely nothing wrong with being a loner. I’ve been a loner all my life. I tried fitting in as a kid, but that only led to awkwardness and misery. Now, as an adult, I have no friends offline, all my friends are online, and I’m happy. No more social awkwardness or anxiety.
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My son, too, prefers online socializing. He has close friends, but gets overwhelmed by loud voices and crowds. I hope he’s okay. He’s loved – dearly.
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I put a meme on my Pinterest board a while back that said, “Having to rely on others to comfort you because you can’t do it yourself, then pushing them away and getting angry when they’re not there for you.”
Another one of a kitty that says,” I really want you to pet me. But I also kinda want to bite you.”
The Push/Pull with people is a constant for me. I’m drained by superficial natter, but I need the deep soul-connection I have with a very few friends. If I could quit beating myself up about that, I’d be just fine!
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I can identify with that dynamic. What’s interesting, and what I just mentioned in another comment, is that even when I physically isolate myself, I feel that I am part of something greater. Even when I do not visit my dear friends, I know that they still love me. I also have a family – a husband, a son, parents who are still alive and relatively well, a sister, and a very large network of in-laws (my husband is one of eight siblings). Plus, I keep in touch with dear old high school friends via Facebook. When I put out a call for help (which I have done), I get a resounding response. I believe it is possible to develop and maintain a support network and loving relationships without constant socializing.
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I’ve never felt cocooning oneself in the comfort of a small group is bad or negative. The only danger is losing the small group and feeling like you have no one in the world. That’s why everyone is encouraged to have a larger network of people. What if disaster struck and you lost everyone you’re currently close to? It’s uncomfortable going beyond that small zone, I know. But it’s a safety net. You won’t believe how far you could fall if you didn’t have it.
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What’s interesting is that I feel as if I have a large network of support even when I’m alone. I’m still a part of something greater. I’m still loved widely. I still love widely. I just cannot put myself physically in a large group. Large groups, small groups even, overstimulate me. That is not to say that I do not have friendships and family. I do. I am blessed.
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I think you’re in just the right spot the, Kitt. And you’re right – you DO sound blessed. 🙂
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If it weren’t for the loners and thinkers of the world, we would have made very little progress. It should not be viewed negatively…but there is so much pressure to be social, as if that were the only way to live. I have a lot of respect for those who can sit quietly and be content. They have figured something out about life. ❤️
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I think it is admirable when people can be alone and be comfortable. I think it is something many of us will never master.
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Very true. I remember people commenting on people dining in a restaurant alone as depressing, and I could never understand why that was depressing. Why not go to a restaurant alone? I have. I do. And, I will.
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I actually relish my all too infrequent moments where I am alone. I have always felt I would do well alone, as long as I still had my blog which provides the minimal amount of interaction I need.
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I think that many writers and artists flourish working alone. The interaction and feedback we get as bloggers is, in my experience, very mutually supportive. Keep writing, Vic. You do yourself and us a great service.
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I’ve been a loner al my life; but I’m human also and not dumb. People can sense “the loner” and discriminate. Beware with this label. It can turn against you. I say “I need to go and do something”. It’s a lie, but I feel the “loner” label has done me harm.
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Labels can be harmful. You are right. I’m pretty feisty (sensitive, too).
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I know you mean well Kitt, people can say oh “leave her alone she’s a loner”, and you may well be in need NOT to be alone (for whatever reason) so this can be tricky
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Oh totally. I did the test your reader mentioned above and it reflected that shift in personality later. You may be sensitive and wish to please and make people happy with your attention, but it drains you. There is a bit of a conflict when, like you, you prefer the smaller intimate environment but you also want to help others. I am considering the path into becoming a counsellor as a possible compromise. We’ll see!! But I agree, society friend on isolation, and that’s just silly.
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I was a psychotherapist decades ago and helped others as one, but ended up leaving the profession. I maintain my license, as it is a part of me. I worked hard for it, and I have a passion for mental health and helping others.
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H Kitt,
Have you ever done the Myer-Briggs Personality Test? It may be found on internet and should be free for user. If you do not like the end result MBPI then do it again. Likely will be the same result? Then look up result for key to personality type. I am an INFJ for example. Then if you wish to dig deeper there is plenty of material to aid in this. As well as the demographics of personality types.
Cheers Jamie.
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Yes. What’s interesting, is that I believe my personality has changed over the years. I should take it again.
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Kitt, I suppose it is always possible. Though usually not by much, I’m told. It is possible to change dichotomy’s. So, It’s always worth a go. It is free for user, after all. Cheers Jamie
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I teeter between quite social and enjoying my alone time. Spent all of yesterday at a friend’s fundraiser. 8 hours of being around people, talking, laughing and then came home mentally exhausted. So, I’m spending today with myself. Enjoying the solitude.
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I, too, find the need to recuperate after social occasions. I can be outgoing at fundraisers and other special occasions, but must relax afterwards. If I try to continually meet others’ needs or put myself in a social context daily, I start ramping.
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I don’t mind taking the time to recharge. It’s my friends that don’t understand that I need to have that alone time.
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Yes, that can be hard. My husband understands. For others, I’ve found that I simply need to articulate my need. I’m open about my bipolar diagnosis, so I explain that social stimulation triggers hypomania.
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I can relate. Just don’t draw the blinds and sit in the dark avoiding all life has to offer.
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Nice imagery. Yes, the world is a beautiful place. I still have plenty of love in my life, too. I am married, and I’m a mother. Plus, we have two dogs.
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I’m always small groups or by myself. I prefer it that way
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Nothing wrong with it at all.
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Thanks, Blah. Miss you, but taking a break from reading so much content about bipolar and mental illness.
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Good. We all need to do that sometimes.
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I go back and forth. Like Friday and Saturday night I was very happy to be home alone. Today I’m going out to watch the afternoon football games at a sports bar with a friend and can’t wait. In fact I gotta get ready!!!
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Enjoy!
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I am the same way, I enjoy solitude and peace, don’t have many friends, my bi polar illness has ruined so many friendships that I have learned to be content alone. My sister was always social with so many friends, I am the opposite I choose solitude. Nothing wrong with that.
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