Lost in the Crowd

Lost in the Crowd

Lost in the crowd
Out of my natural surroundings
Out of my home
Out of my neighborhood
At a busy cafe
Surrounded by business people
On their lunch break

I’m unmoored
Uncertain of conventions
Where do I order my food?
Do I pay first?
Where do I stand to wait?
So many people
What should I do?

Overwhelmed
Feel out of it
Freaking out inside
Looking okay on the outside
Maybe – maybe not
Inside screaming
LET ME OUT OF HERE

Too loud
Too chaotic
Too crowded
Wish I had indulged
Gone to the hotel restaurant
Been waited on

Finally I got my food
Sat in the corner
In the spot I had scoped out
Music and voices clamor
Still, as I sit and eat, I shake
Pick at my salad
Then rush back out
To fresh air and open space

17 thoughts on “Lost in the Crowd

  1. Mary Rowen September 28, 2015 / 7:13 pm

    I’ve been here, Kitt. Sometimes I really enjoy being lost in a crowd, but other times, I can’t handle it. Cities in particular often give me anxiety. You do a great job capturing that awful feeling.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. debiriley September 27, 2015 / 3:44 pm

    Too Loud! I’m the bane of my family with this complaint 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley September 27, 2015 / 5:14 pm

      My son always complains about noise. I’m the noisy one in our small family. The drama geek trained to project to the back of the auditorium. Plus I have bipolar disorder. Some of us tend to speak loudly when hypomanic or manic.

      Liked by 1 person

      • debiriley September 27, 2015 / 7:49 pm

        that does make for interesting family dynamics – one liking the Quiet…. the other not so much 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Kitt O'Malley September 27, 2015 / 9:26 pm

          Both my husband and son complain that I’m too loud. I like quiet, but just have a loud voice.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. mihrank September 27, 2015 / 11:01 am

    “The people that I liked and had not met went to the big cafes because they were lost in them and no one noticed them and they could be alone in them and be together.”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. vanbytheriver September 27, 2015 / 7:38 am

    Interesting, Kitt. For some reason that I still don’t understand, I have always enjoyed getting lost in a crowd. If I’m going someplace that I know to be busy or hectic, I prefer going alone to take in the energy and make observations. The noise is just background music. You’ve expressed your sentiment so beautifully. I know that you are not alone. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley September 27, 2015 / 11:06 am

      When I was a college student at Berkeley in the mid 80s, I used to go to cafes to study, for the background noise forced me to focus. At home or at a library, my mind would wander. These were Berkeley cafes, each one had its unique ambiance – I loved the small cafe north of campus where the more mature (older) seminary students from the Graduate Theological Union hung out and discussed theology.

      Liked by 1 person

      • vanbytheriver September 27, 2015 / 12:48 pm

        I grew up in a large family with constant noise…I learned to block it out at an early age. I like to mingle in academic communities and eavesdrop a bit…always interesting.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Kitt O'Malley September 27, 2015 / 1:40 pm

          Yep. Maybe their smarts rub off on us, too. Learning by osmosis is what my high school friend Ryan used to call it. He now is a curator at Yale, so he might know what he’s talking about.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. bpnurse September 26, 2015 / 11:29 pm

    I can so relate to this poem. My saving grace is that I know now how to meet my own needs and to ask for help when I can’t. I have no problem asking that the TV and radio not be on at the same time. I also know to leave when a gathering overstimulates me, and I know the signs that I am becoming overwhelmed. It took me a long time to learn these things, and even now I don’t always tend to myself in time to avoid a meltdown. But I’m getting there. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley September 27, 2015 / 10:56 am

      I wonder how much I’ve changed and how much I simply was unaware of how my surroundings affected me, for I was a workaholic.

      Like

  6. Indah Susanti September 26, 2015 / 11:23 pm

    Sometimes we were in that situation..lovely poem, Kitt. Wishing you a beautiful weekend 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley September 27, 2015 / 10:55 am

      Thank you, Indah! Wish you a beautiful weekend, too.

      Like

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