Day from Hell

Recently my mother slammed the door on her speech therapist. She refused nursing care for herself and blocked nurses from seeing my father. Her behavior has caused both of them to be discharged as patients from home health services. No more home nursing visits, physical therapy or speech therapy.

My parents reside in a board and care near my home where they are fed and cared for by caregivers. They still are seen by an internist with expertise in treating seniors. They take their medications. And, I have requested that a psychiatrist see my mother.

Back to the story about my mom… When I visited, my mom restrained me and blocked me from leaving their room. My husband felt compassion for my parents and questioned whether they received adequate care (they do). (He supports me now and tries not to offer opinions or “fixes.”) I ended up feeling so out of control and overwhelmed that I posted this to Facebook:

I really need a friend right now. Feeling alone, isolated, misunderstood, on my own, unsupported, inadequate.

I received just what I needed – love and support. Here are responses I posted:

Today I heard that my mom’s home health care providers were discharging her as a patient because she refuses service and slammed the door in their faces. I’m working so hard to help and feel so helpless. Hard to just let it be.

I’m stressed out caring for my parents and for my son. Got to me. Just broke down. Feeling better but the weight of my responsibilities remains. Must let go.

Thank you, friends! Greatly appreciate all the support. My feeling isolated passed. You all helped. Spoke to my dear neighbor. In the midst of family crisis. Will be ongoing for a while. Stress can weigh too much and wear me down at times. Sometimes I throw up my arms and cry for help. Thanks for answering my cry.

All the love is loud and clear. The mood has passed. The stressors and triggers remain. Have to let go of what I cannot control.

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51 thoughts on “Day from Hell

  1. Chanel Bailey February 20, 2016 / 1:26 pm

    Hi Kitt, my heart ached as well while reading how difficult this day was for you and your family. Feeling blessed that everyone made it through and tomorrow provides an opportunity for a better day. I admire your strength to prevail through this season in your life. I’ll be following you. Stay strong my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rose February 20, 2016 / 1:21 pm

    Such a difficult situation and decision to make. Seeking God, as you are doing is what is best. God bless you and your parents. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  3. stuckinscared February 20, 2016 / 12:20 am

    I’m so sorry that the situation with your parents has worsened, Kitt. I hope things settle down a bit soon, and that your Mum and Dad are able to stay together. Remember to take care of you too. Here if you need an ear. Kimmie x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley February 20, 2016 / 3:27 pm

      They will definitely be staying together. Looking at a nearby secure memory care with expertise in dementia, including stroke caused dementia symptoms.

      Liked by 1 person

      • stuckinscared February 20, 2016 / 3:54 pm

        I’m so glad you are making that happen for them. They are lucky to have you for a daughter. I hope it all works out sooner rather than later. For all your sake! x

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Indah Susanti February 19, 2016 / 4:04 pm

    I am so sorry, Kitt. I wish you strength and patience on these days. Bless you for being a good daughter. ❤ <3<3

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Leslie February 18, 2016 / 6:04 am

    Oh Kitt. I’m so sorry things are so difficult. I know you had such high hopes for the new plan for your parents. bpnurse makes a lot of sense. We’re all here for you (although sometimes I run a day or two behind) ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  6. bpnurse February 17, 2016 / 4:50 pm

    As a nurse who has walked many adult children through similar situations, I can tell you that a lot of this behavior is happening because your parents probably believe they have lost control of their lives…rebelling against the treatment plan and refusing care are their only real way of keeping at least some control. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Know that I care about you and ache for you as you deal with your parents’ situation.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Kitt O'Malley February 18, 2016 / 8:58 am

      My mother has always been controlling, so this is just unbearable for her. I cannot help but feel guilty for moving them out of their beautiful home. The house sits vacant for now. It has much deferred maintenance. We are spending a fortune on care.

      Liked by 1 person

        • Kitt O'Malley February 18, 2016 / 3:24 pm

          No, they are not, especially when they are excellent high end ones.

          Like

  7. Bradley February 17, 2016 / 11:01 am

    What a struggle you’re going through. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you and watching what your parents are going through.

    Be proud of yourself for handling all this. You should be. Just one piece of advice – make sure that Kitt takes time for Kitt every now and then. You deserve it.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Kitt O'Malley February 18, 2016 / 8:56 am

      Thank you. I’m so distraught. My mother is expressing her pain and it’s tearing me apart.

      Like

  8. blahpolar February 17, 2016 / 5:22 am

    Ouch Kitt, that’s such hard stuff to get through, I’m so glad you’re being wise enough to accept support for yourself through it all.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. TradeRoutz livingStyle February 17, 2016 / 5:20 am

    Hang in there Kitt. It’s so hard I know, but you are doing so well. Don’t let your parents situation push you back into depression love. Try not to. You are number one, remember that! xx

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Laura P. Schulman, MD, MA February 16, 2016 / 8:11 pm

    Yikes, freakout city! Gives me the fantods to think of it. I’ve had a few horror shows with the P’s, can empathize. Yup, psychiatrist time!

    Meanwhile, make taking care of yourself number one priority. We all love you.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. kbailey374 February 16, 2016 / 7:20 pm

    God love you – it is hard to know what you can or can’t do to help – some days it is too much and other days I can feel like superwoman. Just stay connected to your support and spiritual networks and I really do think that sharing is essential! You can’t carry all this alone! xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Lizzy February 16, 2016 / 6:20 pm

    I am so sorry for the trials you are facing.

    I really need a friend right now. Feeling alone, isolated, misunderstood, on my own, unsupported, inadequate.

    Though it easy to feel this way, remember these words from Deuteronomy 31:8 — “The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

    Peace and love to you, my friend.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Kitt O'Malley February 16, 2016 / 9:02 pm

      Without doubt, we are ALL loved perfectly and unconditionally. Thank you for the biblical reminder that we are always loved and never alone.

      Like

  13. stockdalewolfe February 16, 2016 / 5:19 pm

    So difficult!! The situation!! Not on FB so don’t see anything you post. My prayers are with all of you. Caregiving is hard enough with one person!! Sending prayers and thoughts your way!! Big hug, Ellen

    Liked by 3 people

    • Kitt O'Malley February 16, 2016 / 9:00 pm

      Thank you, Ellen. I don’t often share like that on Facebook, but I needed a boost and got it.

      Like

  14. Mary Griffith February 16, 2016 / 5:05 pm

    Hopes and prayers for all of you. You’re being a wonderful daughter to your parents doing absolutely all you can.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Michelle Toussaint February 16, 2016 / 3:56 pm

    Family can be the toughest and the most trying of all relationships, but you have support, and that can make all the difference. You are in our thoughts.

    Liked by 3 people

  16. Just Plain Ol' Vic February 16, 2016 / 3:53 pm

    You are never alone Kitt. I am always in your corner rooting for you!

    Liked by 3 people

  17. laurelwolfelives February 16, 2016 / 3:52 pm

    Sometimes support from strangers is the best kind. I have found that support from those anonymous strangers has made such a difference in my life. Take care and hang in.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Kitt O'Malley February 16, 2016 / 4:04 pm

      Thanks, Laurel. What really helped, too, was that a neighbor read my Facebook post and met me in the front yard to give me a hug and chat.

      Liked by 1 person

      • laurelwolfelives February 16, 2016 / 4:08 pm

        Oh, how wonderful. I’m so glad for you. I do hope you can heal and deal with this. Sending hugs. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  18. trentpmcd February 16, 2016 / 3:21 pm

    Family issues are difficult and by refusing help your mom does show she needs it more than ever. I’m sorry it was such a bad day. I’m glad some of your friends heard and answered.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Kitt O'Malley February 16, 2016 / 4:03 pm

      I’ve had to psychiatrically hospitalize her once since she had her stroke. Now I’m hoping that she can stay with my father and receive proper medication. She’s on medications that should help, but now her stroke exacerbates underlying psychiatric issues and undermines impulse control.

      Liked by 1 person

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