#Thankful for Support

Beardless iris and daisy watercolor with

Thank you to my son for exercising more independence as I’ve been busy attending to my parents’ affairs, to my husband for everything from chipping in around the house to loving me deeply and devotedly, to my sister as we support each other in making decisions on our parents’ behalf now that they are unable to do so, to our extended family for supporting our decisions and loving us, to my friends, neighbors and online support network for being there, to the Silverado Memory Care Community in San Juan Capistrano for offering my parents’ excellent care and me support and respite, to Jane Mahakian, PhD of Aging Matters for facilitating care and helping my parents and me with this difficult life transition, to Rory Barish of Lane Four Real Estate for representing us as we negotiate leasing our parents’ home, to Steve Shields, CFP for helping with our parents’ financial planning, to my mental health providers, Brynne Lum, LMFT and Alex Michelson, MD, for helping me cope.

Much of the support I have access to is thanks to my parents’ savings. Few have such resources and do not have access to the same care options. That is tragic. Everyone needs access to excellent health care and excellent long term care. Not just those fortunate enough to have significant savings (or adequate long term care insurance) in their senior years.

Honestly, I never could do it without all of you. Thank you. God bless you all.

35 thoughts on “#Thankful for Support

  1. vshakvamantz April 8, 2016 / 6:09 pm

    I am very glad your parents had forethought and savings, and that you are able to reach out to people for help. I have thought about all these things very hard for my dad. He has a form of dementia and I won’t be seeing much of him in the future unless I can write letters. This is along the lines of what I had planned, but it’s unraveling. Thank God I can see other people’s experiences and wish them well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley April 9, 2016 / 12:47 am

      Dementia is so painful to watch. I wish you the best with your father.

      Like

      • vshakvamantz April 9, 2016 / 11:02 am

        I…have reason to leave that in the Lord’s hands for now. I think that’s why I’m so wistful.

        Liked by 1 person

          • vshakvamantz April 9, 2016 / 12:19 pm

            I have a lot of emotional manipulation associated with him and sexual abuse. I have given my life up to trying to have some sort of relationship with him so that he can see his grandchildren without me trembling with fear and rage and disgust anyway, and it isn’t returned-so my instability is getting worse. I need help to get the resulting mental imbalance I’m suffering from under control so that if I want to help later, that I can help in healthy parameters so that I don’t allow guilt and self-sacrifice to overwhelm me and make me relapse into where I am now again. Or never come back, period.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Kitt O'Malley April 9, 2016 / 2:29 pm

              If your father sexually abused you, you owe him nothing. Take care of yourself first and foremost. He did not properly father you. He hurt rather than protected you.

              Liked by 1 person

              • vshakvamantz April 9, 2016 / 4:50 pm

                I thank you for this, ma’am I have a lot of feeling that I live in an alternate universe where right is wrong, and I am the parent instead of the child because I feel like I’m responsible for their feelings and expected to ignore and manipulate mine to serve their wishes. I thank you for finding the time in your schedule taking care of your parents and in your own problems to help me. It’s very trying, wanting to figure out what to do in my own head and knowing that my mind is not reliable, if I’m losing time talking to myself and struggling with mood swings. Validation helps.

                Liked by 1 person

              • vshakvamantz April 9, 2016 / 5:08 pm

                I keep scrolling through my comments and trying to see if I told you about my symptoms, and I’m a little anxious. I…have been struggling badly with the idea that I might have DID and alternate personalities. But I really can’t pretend that I’m not finding it difficult to keep myself focused and everything is pointing to this. I have nearly missed my children’s bus twice this week, holding conversation with my parents in my head and trying to decide between therapy and employment. Have you studied or ran across these symptoms in your mental health studies?

                Liked by 1 person

                • Kitt O'Malley April 10, 2016 / 12:39 am

                  I cannot tell you what is going on. You really need to see a psychiatrist or psychologist.

                  Like

                  • vshakvamantz April 10, 2016 / 6:50 am

                    I’m not sure what they offer at women’s shelters, Mrs. O’Malley, but I do know that I have taken a huge leap and am working secretly with my pastor to be out of this place as soon as possible. I’m so in need of help with my mental state out can’t be ignored or papered over anymore.

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • Kitt O'Malley April 10, 2016 / 12:10 pm

                      I once worked at a battered women’s shelter. Women’s shelters often can connect you with services if they do not offer counseling themselves. Often the counseling offered addresses ending the cycle of domestic abuse or gaining skills and independence needed to live on one’s own (rather than addressing more serious mental health issues). But the women’s shelter staff should be familiar with resources available. Many homeless struggle with serious mental illness. I am glad to hear that your pastor is working with you. God bless. I will keep you in my prayers.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • vshakvamantz April 10, 2016 / 2:43 pm

                      I appreciate you for giving me information. I am petrified, but change is seriously needed. I am not a danger to society, but my quality of life…suffers, I will say. Kindness is a quality I appreciate very much. Be blessed, you have helped someone greatly in need.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Kitt O'Malley April 10, 2016 / 7:41 pm

                      I pray that you find the help you need.

                      Like

  2. caoimhelionheart March 18, 2016 / 7:07 am

    Huge hug Kitt. I have been where you are and it is difficult. Always remember you are a good daughter for giving your parents such great care when they need it the most.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley March 17, 2016 / 8:50 pm

      Yep. Thanks, Robert. I’m doing very well considering all that I’m handling. Seems like my life has prepared me for this. For that, too, I am thankful. Don’t always realize at the time what I’m learning or why.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Robert Matthew Goldstein March 17, 2016 / 8:52 pm

        I’m glad to read that you’re feeling better. I know the feeling that you describe. One goes along and one day different life experiences and skills come together in a way that makes sense. It’s a great feeling.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Leslie March 17, 2016 / 9:14 am

    Bless you Kitt….You have a lot on your plate and you still make the time and have the inclination to come here and say all of your thanks. You’re one of a kind.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley March 17, 2016 / 8:48 pm

      Thank you, Leslie. Really. Gratitude helps me. Delegating helps me. Asking for and accepting help helps me. Couldn’t do it all by myself.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. dyane March 16, 2016 / 2:49 pm

    p.s. to clarify, I do not taste Lucy’s excrement – – I only smell it, and not on purpose.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. dyane March 16, 2016 / 2:48 pm

    One of the many things I love and admire about you is that you truly appreciate others for how they help you, and you acknowledge them! Thank God your parents had savings (My Mom a junior/senior speech pathologist as you know, invested in long term care insurance & I’m super-grateful!)

    In my session with my therapist yesterday, she mentioned that she starts each day with an internal gratitude list. She said it truly makes a difference. She also makes of point of recognizing what she’s grateful for a couple times during the day. It doesn’t take much time. I trust her so I’ve started to do a bit too and it’s a welcome “attitude adjustment”.

    Today I’m grateful that I’m able to taste and smell again now that I’ve started amoxicillin & begun to use Flonase- even Lucy’s numero dos that I pick it up outside!!!!!! 😉

    Yep, your friend is Queen of the Gross T.M.I.

    Love you!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley March 16, 2016 / 10:08 pm

      The joy of dog ownership… Glad you are getting antibiotics and antihistamine nasal spray. Time to kick that bug in the ass! No doubt you will feel better soon. Using WordPress app on my iPad. It covers your comment as I write my reply. How the hell am I supposed to remember everything you wrote in your comment? Oh, now I recall what I wanted to say: Good for your mom. When we looked into long term care Insurance, I didn’t think we would qualify. They asked for physicals and asked questions about pre-existing conditions and mental health diagnoses. Assumed that my bipolar diagnosis made me too great a risk to be insured.

      Liked by 1 person

      • dyane March 17, 2016 / 5:51 am

        I would never say never about your qualifying for long-term care insurance despite having bp – they want those premiums! And I don’t think that many people have the wisdom and/or ability to pursue it.

        Hilarious that WordPress’ app covers my comment when you reply – they are sadistic sometimes! XOXOXOXOX

        Liked by 1 person

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