Brain Dead


All three of us – my son, my husband and me – are sick with a virus of some sort – flu, perhaps. Exhaustion I already felt now worsened by deep fatigue achy muscles, nausea, and headache. My brain just is not working. Pulling up the wrong words. Not able to construct thoughts.

Still, took my mom to communication recovery group yesterday. Wipes me out to do so, honestly. Have to reconsider it. Another family member in the caregiver support group was familiar with resources and support groups closer to us.

I had tried calling to find out more information about that group earlier and was told that the group was not open and not communication recovery oriented. Apparently whoever I spoke to wasn’t aware of the communication recovery group in question. Difficult looking for resources and getting the door slammed in your face.

Honestly, I don’t know if I’m up to taking my mom to these groups. It helps her, but comes at a cost to me. She and my father insist on going back home, which is not an option. She wants to live with family, which would be devastating. My parents were challenging even before dementia and stroke due to alcoholism and mental illness. We love one another, but doing so can be – has been – painful.

23 thoughts on “Brain Dead

  1. dyane June 12, 2016 / 4:26 pm

    God, I’m hoping you feel LOTS better siince yesterday, as well as your husband & son. :(((

    My heart goes out to you regarding taking your mom to the communication recovery group and the other groups as well.

    My first thought (which others here have noted in their comments) is that you MUST take care of yourself and put yourself first and start putting your Mom second as much as you possibly can, which means cease taking her to the groups despite the fact they help her – I know that’s easy for me to say. But as you mentioned, doing that taxes you and it’s too much.

    Forgive me if I’m crossing a line; I don’t know what it’s like to deal with this kind of gut-wrenching agony…but I care about you, as do so many others.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Leslie June 12, 2016 / 9:18 am

    Try to not worry about anything until you get better. Sickness is the body’s way of telling you that you need to take better care of yourself. Just let it go for a little while and get better. Once your strength has returned you can start working on support groups again. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley June 12, 2016 / 4:40 pm

      Thank you! Just emailed the social worker at my parents’ memory care community much the same, for my mother was having the social worker schedule every Friday in my mother’s calendar with me. Too much. Too much. I have to take care of myself first. Then my son and husband, before my mother. That’s why I hired help. I cannot do it all.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Leslie June 12, 2016 / 4:42 pm

        There ya go. Visit them as often as you like, but you don’t have to be in charge anymore, you just have to oversee.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. vanbytheriver June 12, 2016 / 5:18 am

    Stress. I don’t have to tell you the effect it has on the immune system. Take care of yourself, Kitt. Hugs to you. 💘

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Grief Happens June 11, 2016 / 10:26 pm

    You have so much on your plate, and I know having a cold/virus only makes it more difficult. I commend you for recognizing that taking your parents is too much for you. I hope you’re able to rest and that you, your son and husband all feel better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. bpnurse June 11, 2016 / 9:17 pm

    Sorry you’re under the weather along with being over-stressed. Just remember, you put the oxygen mask on your own face first so you can help others. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley June 12, 2016 / 11:50 am

      True. Just cancelled visiting my mother. 9:30pm last night she had the nurse call me to ask that I take her to Macy’s. We went Friday after her communication recovery group, and she wanted to go again. Foolish for me to agree, as I’ve been sick. Honestly, part of me, wants her sick, too, but that ambivalence is a whole other story that has deep roots.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Just Plain Ol' Vic June 11, 2016 / 4:08 pm

    I hope you feel better soon Kitt! Sending some warm and positive vibes your way. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley June 11, 2016 / 4:14 pm

      Thank you, Vic. You are always so kind. I’m amazed at how you’re able to keep up with reading and commenting supportively on so many blogs while working full-time, caring for a spouse with bipolar (I know from experience that means you may well do more than half the work – my husband does), and fathering two busy kids.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Just Plain Ol' Vic June 11, 2016 / 6:34 pm

        How could I not with you Kitt?! I have learned so much from you – making me (hopefully) a better husband and father.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. kevincameronartist June 11, 2016 / 2:33 pm

    Feeling sick makes it even harder to do things you normally wouldn’t like to do. Keep a close eye on your symptoms. watch for any ‘abnormal’ flu symptoms like skin rashes or strong sensitivity to light (i.e. meningitis ). Stay hydrated and they say cold baths are not good since they may raise your body temp. Get rest. I usually like to watch an old b&w ‘B’ movie that puts me to sleep, lol. take care! P.S. I don’t have medical training :^)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley June 11, 2016 / 4:12 pm

      Thanks. My husband is napping beside me. I’d do well to copy his lead, but tend not to nap for it interferes with my ability to sleep at night.

      Liked by 1 person

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