Thoughts Intrude

Originally posted May 3, 2015. Now a year older. Not hypomanic or irritable. Just exhausted, for good reason (too much responsibility on my shoulders weighing me down).

Did a good bit of free-writing at OC Writers write-in yesterday. Plan to salvage some of it, to edit and post here, to edit and submit elsewhere. Primary content of my free-writing was intense.

Kitt O'Malley

Leave Me Alone!

Thoughts intrude
Throw plate in sink
Let it shatter loudly
I see myself doing it
The image, the impulse is there
There – in my mind
No! I respond
Turn left NOW in front of oncoming traffic
No! No! No! Don’t do it
Wait for the green arrow
Yell at, argue with, my son, my husband
Pick a fight with them
No! Do not do it

Must fight the thoughts
Must fight the impulses
They make no sense
I’m irritable
In a mixed state
Somewhat hypomanic
Not suicidal
There is no intent behind them
Just intrusive thoughts
Unwelcome images and impulses
Without reason
Without cause

Except this pain
These insistent hormones
Nasty cramps
Super irritable
It’s been months
I think
Since last I bled
I’m 51, 52 this August
Give it up already
Stop menstruating
It’s not going to happen
No more babies
From this empty fibrous womb

So, stop it

View original post 40 more words

6 thoughts on “Thoughts Intrude

  1. Paladin June 22, 2016 / 1:13 pm

    Some woman never know they even went through menopause, but your description sounds like a severe El Nino. On the + side there does not seem to be any mention of migraines and absolutely no procrastination. Hope you are better now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley June 22, 2016 / 8:48 pm

      Oh, I procrastinate all the time. Have always procrastinated.


      • Paladin June 22, 2016 / 9:19 pm

        Your phenotype response was not expected, Kitt. However, this would indicate you showing an honest behavior trait. From past correspondence, I am unable to determine whether you are stubborn, tenacious, or both. But I am sure you will be able to help me out with one of your geeky responses. Best Regards.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. thatssojacob June 22, 2016 / 9:26 am

    Just thought that this post needed a comment. BTW, haven’t seen you around in awhile…come, visit, have a read, and post a comment or two!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. dyane June 21, 2016 / 8:58 pm

    Beyond powerful!
    So glad you attended the OC Write In yesterday. Freewriting is one of the healthiest, most cathartic activities around.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley June 22, 2016 / 8:42 pm

      Haven’t touched what I wrote yet. Hope to edit and publish it, perhaps on Feminine Collective.

      Liked by 1 person

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