Shedding a Few Tears

tears-on-plant

It’s been a year. It’s been a year since I noticed that my mother hadn’t taken her turn in Words with Friends. It’s been a year since my mother was verbal. It’s been a year since she could use language.

Her passion was words. She spent her days playing word games. She was proud that she had been debate team captain in college. She could and would and did slay with words.

Last year she had a stroke. Life hasn’t been the same since – not for her, not for my father, not for my sister, not for me, not for my son, not for my husband.

Finally, I allow myself to gently shed a few tears, a few soft tears. Finally, I allow myself much needed mourning the loss of my verbal mother. She is still with us, but she is different. Her brain permanently changed, permanently damaged.

I can no longer talk on the phone with her. I can no longer play word games with her. And, so, I’m sad. I miss the old her. Even if she did slay with words.

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40 thoughts on “Shedding a Few Tears

  1. Jess Melancholia November 16, 2016 / 11:16 am

    There isn’t anything I can say to make this better. Just know I’m here and thinking of you and your mom.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jjjcampagna November 15, 2016 / 5:50 pm

    The profound loss of your mom’s voice has changed your life. It has change the lives of your family. It has also changed her life. She still has a voice. Her mind has been altered however I ask you to reconsider that she has changed. She is still alive. She still loves you and your family. If I lost my ability to speak, I would find a way to communicate with others. Perhaps, she is trying to speak to you but you haven’t deciphered her new language. Can she write? Perhaps, there are visual cues to her communication. She can touch your heart so she can communicate. The most important language she knows is love. And I think on some level, you and your family know it too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley November 15, 2016 / 11:09 pm

      She communicates with gestures and by responding to simple yes/no questions. She is still alive, but has changed. My sister and I are visiting both her and our father this weekend for Thanksgiving.

      Like

  3. Paladin November 15, 2016 / 12:07 pm

    Remember when you dealt with this issue last year, Kitt. You had an impressive two minute “Racing Thoughts” selfie from you chariot in early December. Glad you were able to prevent going into hypomania at that time. Decided to add this video link (https://www.youtube.com/embed/0zJoYNS6XHU) from my Montana friend to improve your “Emotional Resilience” this time. Think the video embraces Einstein’s quote: “Creativity is intelligence having fun”. You take care and hope your family has a great Thanksgiving.

    God Bless + Namaste.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. kbailey374 November 15, 2016 / 4:50 am

    My mom was a terrific word slayer but not so fun with them. I am sorry for your loss. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Bradley November 14, 2016 / 2:26 pm

    I’m glad you’re letting them go. Those tears have been backed up for too long. I’m sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Annah Elizabeth November 14, 2016 / 8:42 am

    Dear Kitt,
    So raw and so poignant…a story too many c an relate. Those differences can be so hard on us as we learn how to read our loved ones who have changed so drastically…We come to accept the word slayings and when they no longer exist a part of no longer exists, as well…

    Totally agree with sassassafrass…keep making time to take care of you, for not only are you benefiting yourself, you are modeling the self care for all those you support…

    Sending hugs, Neighbor. Thank you for your courage to share. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Marie Abanga November 14, 2016 / 12:08 am

    Cry them soft tears, and let some real peace flow from within I pray… you are trying your best dear Kit and alas you are just but human too with so much of your own to deal with too… It’s so painful and the memories of even our toddler days come back and all we really can do is shed them soft tears

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley November 14, 2016 / 10:41 am

      Thank you, Marie, for your kind words and prayers.

      Like

  8. vanbytheriver November 13, 2016 / 5:05 pm

    Those tears are long overdue, Kitt. Hugs to you for the loss of the mother you knew. So sorry for your family. 💘

    Liked by 1 person

  9. SassaFrassTheFeisty November 13, 2016 / 3:52 pm

    {Hugs} It is hard to watch, harder to feel helpless, and the hardest to mourn the loss of who she was. You have been so strong for so many people this past year. Allow your grief to be seen with your tears. Even the strong ones need to lean on someone or something. {Hugs Hugs HUGS}

    Liked by 2 people

  10. avaswan November 13, 2016 / 3:19 pm

    So sorry Kit, it is so hard to deal with the changes our parents go through with age especially their ability to communicate with us. I’m sending prayers for you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. fotojennic November 13, 2016 / 2:00 pm

    I am so very sorry. It is so painful to watch. I hope this virtual hug reaches you and gives you some comfort.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. dyane November 13, 2016 / 1:49 pm

    I too am very sorry, my friend. It’s a heartbreaking loss. Sending love your way.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Mental Break-In Progress November 13, 2016 / 1:35 pm

    So sorry to hear this Kitt. I will keep you in my prayers. Although your mother has lost her ability to slay with words as you say, perhaps turn of events opens a new door of communication yet to be discovered hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Just Plain Ol' Vic November 13, 2016 / 1:30 pm

    My heart goes out to you Kitt. Sending you positive and caring thoughts your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. mihrank November 13, 2016 / 1:28 pm

    your words is touching, sad and showing how mother is important for us.

    Liked by 2 people

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