Rejected

Just got rejected by an online psychotherapist using LiveHealthOnline. Ouch. Slap in face. No doubt because of my bipolar diagnosis. I understand that online therapy is not always appropriate. The therapist in question may not have had the proper background and training. 

Still, it hurts, and I remain… I don’t know… Vulnerable… Feeling in need of support — specifically psychological support.

My psychiatrist, with whom my psychotherapist works, runs weekly group therapy, which I used to attend. But, I don’t do well in groups. My boundaries are poor. I take care of others and don’t get enough support for myself. I’m selfish right now and know that I need the undivided attention of a psychotherapist. I need some healing. Badly.

Honestly, my fantasy is to go on a therapeutic retreat. Something like a spa weekend, but including sessions with a licensed psychologist with expertise in bipolar disorder (which is a serious mental illness). Must maintain coping mechanisms. Cannot fall apart.

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61 thoughts on “Rejected

  1. bipolarsojourner May 3, 2017 / 2:16 pm

    take this with the intended nami, principle 9, we see humor as healthy.

    the last paragraph sounds like the betty ford clinic. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kitt O'Malley May 3, 2017 / 7:18 pm

      Humor is a fabulous coping mechanism. Betty Ford clinic would be nice… Instead I’m spending a couple of nights at a local “hotel” overseeing a busy and raucous toll road.

      Like

  2. Leslie May 3, 2017 / 2:05 pm

    I’m so sorry Kitt. That had to be hard to hear. I don’t do well in groups either and for the exact same reason that you stated. Sometimes it’s just really important to be selfish especially when it comes to your treatment. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley May 3, 2017 / 7:16 pm

      My psychiatrist was available, so I saw him individually. My therapist was in the office, and I learned that she had a cancellation next week! Yay! I don’t have to wait until the end of the month to see her.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. bpnurse May 3, 2017 / 1:46 pm

    You are NOT being selfish. You are conscientiously trying to get a need met, and you deserve to have a therapist who “gets you”. Hoping for a better outcome next time. ((((Kitt))))

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mary Griffith May 3, 2017 / 1:43 pm

    Really sorry that happened to you. Know exactly what you mean about groups. I always end up feeling that everyone’s problems are much worse than mine and feel guilty. I’m sure you know there are licensed therapists who work via skype. Hope you find someone. Keeping you and your family in my prayers p.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Cassandra Stout May 3, 2017 / 1:15 pm

    Oh, Kitt, I’m so sorry that happened! No wonder you’re feeling vulnerable and rejected. The therapy retreat sounds fantastic; would that we all had one of those. I hope you get the care you need–and soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley May 3, 2017 / 1:45 pm

      I love retreats, but they can open me up and make me vulnerable when I need to cope.

      Like

  6. laurelwolfelives May 3, 2017 / 1:00 pm

    You are not selfish. You take care of others but you must take care of yourself too. You are important and never think you or your wants and needs don’t matter.
    Sending hugs. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  7. bipolarsojourner May 3, 2017 / 12:35 pm

    i know from personal experience, it’s easy to be hard myself. the match (word chosen to more closely reflect what happened) likely didn’t come about because the psychotherapist was inexperienced. phone based or web-based psychotherapist tend to be a little less experienced. for that reason, he felt like he couldn’t adequately handle the situation. That’s not a reflection on your condition but their ability. who knows, maybe they are being as equally hard on themselves with the feeling of i wish i could help this person but I just don’t have the experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Iggy May 3, 2017 / 12:28 pm

    I’m sorry that this happened to you. Did they at least give you a reason as to why?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley May 3, 2017 / 1:36 pm

      No. I’m pretty sure she was not equipped to treat me. Good thing to know one’s limits.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Rebecca May 3, 2017 / 12:09 pm

    Your post is theraputic! Thank you for opening yourself up to us. This is where online listening becomes tricky. Do you just need for us to hear you? Or someone to talk this through. I’ll pick you need some reinforcement. I like you place the turning down of taking you as a patient as a lack of expertise on their part. This isn’t about you! Part of the strength needed to help ourselves conquer this disease is rising up again, and again. Don’t be shot down. There is the right person out there to connect with special Kitt. Part, the hard part, is never give up. It is not you, I say again. From experience, try and be brave to walk away and try again. Keep seeking through pain. Don’t surrender to the negativity hounding you. It is a battle, one you can win! Praying for you, Kitt. May this be a short interval to finding that right person. When they are right, you will connect on a level deeper than any therapy you have had in the past. Of course that weekend sounds fantastic too! God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley May 3, 2017 / 1:36 pm

      Thank you for your prayer. I first tried to connect with a PhD psychologist with years of experience, but timed out with her while filling out forms online. She must have gotten another client or went to lunch (or dinner or breakfast, for all I know). The second woman described herself as a psychotherapist and gave less information about her career — from which I similarly inferred she likely wasn’t equipped to counsel someone with bipolar. My issues are complex. I need someone MORE experienced and skilled than I am. (I’m a former psychotherapist, MA, LMFT.)

      Liked by 1 person

  10. tarnishedsoul May 3, 2017 / 11:50 am

    I once had someone tell me that we consider being selfish (or self-centered) as an evil thing, but where does the evil come in? It isn’t evil until it’s done to cause someone else pain… So, if being selfish is designed to put you in a better place, then so be it!
    I’m sorry this happened, but there has to be alternatives, I’m sure.

    And your therapy retreat sounds like an awesome idea! I’d love that too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kitt O'Malley May 3, 2017 / 1:24 pm

      I’ll figure something out. I can go to group tomorrow night. That will do for now.

      Liked by 2 people

      • tarnishedsoul May 3, 2017 / 1:55 pm

        Well, it’s good that you do have an outlet. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

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