Martin Short Quote on Death

Martin Short’s wife Nancy died of cancer after almost 30 years of marriage. I love what he said about death in his AARP interview.

I believe that when people die, they zoom into the people that love them. This idea that it just ends, and don’t speak of them — that’s wrong. That’s based on denial that we’re all going to die. So to me, she’s still here. At the same time, her death emboldened me to take risks. With real tragedy, you become a little more daring. It’s the yin to the yang: the positive part of life’s dark side.

Martin Short as told to David Hochman (2019, January 31). Martin Short Says He’s Wiser With Age. Retrieved from https://www.aarp.org/entertainment/celebrities/info-2019/martin-short-interview.html

I Will Not Cry Now

pixelated family tree

To avoid feeling overwhelmed and hold back the tears due to loss, stress and worry, I’ve started delving into my ancestry online.

My therapist reframed what I was doing as focusing, rather than avoidance. She thought it was healthy.

Now that my father has passed away and my mother’s health has faltered, I’m really, really sad. I miss them both.

My father is gone. My mother is still with us, but I miss speaking with her, playing word games with her, walking with her, taking her out for lunch.

The pain at times overwhelms me. I don’t want to fall into bipolar depression, hypomania, or mood cycling.

To stave off the pain, I click through the family tree, digging further and further back.

Hate when hit dead ends, especially when it comes to my mother’s beloved Irish grandmother with whom she lived when she attended college.

Exhausted While Bipolar

I'm Bipolar & I'm Exhausted
Exhausted by life stressors. Understandably so. I have this. Just takes a LOT of energy.

Recently I’ve been totally overwhelmed and exhausted. A virus almost took my mother’s life. Thank God she survived.

Loving someone who is struggling for their life is hard. Really hard.

I, too, was sick and avoided seeing my mother until she got so sick that cross-contamination was no longer an issue.

Now, I’m still recovering, physically and emotionally. Exhausted. Totally exhausted.

Funneling Exercise: Admired and Called

Compassionate Creative Brave Love Smart

February 23rd on Facebook, friend and poet extraordinaire Ra Avis shared this funneling exercise that helps when you feel pulled in many directions:

  • Write the names of five people you admire most.
  • For each, write eight one-word descriptors that define why you admire them.
  • Circle words that appear more than once.
  • Put in order of how often they appear (most to least).
  • Top three are character traits you’re being called to focus on.

My Results

The people I admired were Ra Avis, Sarah Fader, my husband, my mother, and my son.

Attributes

  • Compassionate (3)
  • Creative (3)
  • Brave (3)
  • Love (3)
  • Smart (3)

After doing the exercise, I realized that I live the attributes I admire. Yay!