Sarah Fader Guest Post: ADHD & Career

Sarah Fader ADHD and Career
Guest Post by Sarah Fader on ADHD and Her Career

For many years I could not hold a job. I did not know why because at the time I didn’t realize that I had ADHD. It is only one of my mental illnesses, and it is the condition that gets me fired from countless jobs. I have trouble with time management and finishing work and things that require me to focus. It’s exhausting having ADHD for a multitude of reasons. One is that nobody believes that it’s isn’t true, but enough people do to make it difficult to function in the world.

What if you had cancer and when you told people about your disease they said, “That’s not real!” Think about how you might feel. Sad, angry or possibly invalidated? That is how I feel when I work in any job where my colleagues or supervisor do not believe that my symptoms are related to my disability. I don’t indicate that I have a disability to my job. I have shame associated with ADHD and I don’t want to be treated differently. It’s not fair that I can’t focus. It isn’t just that I was born with a genetic set of brain garbage that makes it hard for me to hold down a job.

I used to make excuses for my issues at work. I make a conscious effort to curb that impulse now; I use techniques that I learned in therapy in order to circumvent the symptoms that I have. For example, the Pomodoro technique helps me. This method is something that allows me to structure my workday. I work for 20 minutes and I take a break for 10 minutes. It makes me feel like I have something to look forward to and I don’t have to keep continuously working.

One of the accommodations that helps people with ADHD function better at work is to have scheduled breaks. People like me that have ADHD are easily bored. So, knowing that I have something to look forward to is essential.

Once I got my diagnosis when I was 24 years old it was easier for me to understand my struggles, but I didn’t necessarily walk a smoother career path. There were many failed attempts at keeping a job. I resisted taking medication for ADHD, because I felt weak, less than, like a loser or deficient. Finally, I made the choice to take a stimulant. It changed my life.

I have a great job now. I use my structured schedule to make sure I get tasks done. And if I’m running late on something, I communicate with my supervisor. When I started my position, my boss said his core values were honesty and communication and that is what I strive for at work. Regardless of what your disability is (or even if you don’t have a disability) being honest with your supervisor is essential. Tell them what’s going on and your work relationship will remain strong.

In some ways I consider my multiple mental health disabilities to be an advantage. ADHD gives me the ability to hyper-focus and get things done when I’m interested in a task. I liken the ADHD brain to a car. My default state is neutral. The goal is to get my brain to shift into the drive gear. That is the challenge and things that help me are medication, structure, and doing a task a enjoy before doing something boring. There are studies that show that people with ADHD need to stimulate their brains before they do something that they consider to be boring. And I find this to be the case for myself.

You might think that it is the opposite, you need to reward yourself after you do something that is boring. However, it’s the antithesis for somebody that has ADHD.

I would not be who I am without my disabilities. I’m not saying that they are my identity. What I mean is if I didn’t have the things that I have I would not have founded my mental health nonprofit, Stigma Fighters, if I did not live with bipolar type two, OCD, ADHD, and panic disorder I would not be able to empathize in the way that I do with people that have mental illness. And I use my disability is to help others that have similar issues. I finally saw my sensitivity and my illnesses as strengths I brought to the world in order to help people. I am a professional writer today. When I was a six-year-old girl typing on my mother’s Brother electronic typewriter that is what I always wanted to do. I am living my dream. I never imagined when I was 16 years old and suicidal that this would happen for me, but it has, and I am so grateful.

I started a publishing company called Eliezer Tristan Publishing. My goal is to publish books by people that have lived through similar experiences to mine. Whether that has to do with their mental health issues or drama or near-death experiences I want those people to be able to speak their truths. The world is sometimes a scary place but we’re in this together. I hope that you are able to share your story whether it’s online, in a book, or with a close friend, because you are not alone.

Sarah Fader
Sarah Fader, CEO & Founder of Stigma Fighters, Founder of Eliezer Tristan Publishing

Sarah Fader is the CEO and Founder of Stigma Fighters, a non-profit organization that encourages individuals with mental illness to share their personal stories. She has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Atlantic, Quartz, Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, HuffPost Live, and Good Day New York.

Sarah is a native New Yorker who enjoys naps, talking to strangers, and caring for her two small humans and two average-sized cats. Like six million other Americans, Sarah lives with panic disorder. Through Stigma Fighters, Sarah hopes to change the world, one mental health stigma at a time.

www.sarahfader.com

Stigma of Invisible Disability

Stigma & Invisible Disability
Those of us living with invisible disabilities face stigma not only from others but sometimes from ourselves.

Recently read Work Ethic, a post by bpnurse, in which she discusses her life since she stopped working and went on Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI).

People judge those of us with invisible disabilities. We even judge ourselves.

Someone once asked me if I questioned the ethics of receiving disability. I explained that my disability wasn’t visible. I ran down my history of hypomanic workaholism and subsequent crashing into depression, rapid cycling and mixed states which lead to my hospitalization.

Although I appear fine, traditional work and I do not mix well. My bipolar type II is well-controlled with medication and my careful avoidance of triggers to mood cycling.

Because my brain disorder is invisible and because my husband provides for our family, someone believe that I take advantage of a government program I do not need.

You see, I receive SSDI, which is based on my payment into Social Security taxes from past income combined with my current inability to work. I do not receive SSI, which is based on need (lack of resources).

Still, with this understanding, even I have felt guilty about being on disability (SSDI), about not being “productive.”

One of my psychologists (I’ve been in therapy since I was 18, so I’ve seen many psychotherapists over the decades) suggested I reframe being on disability (SSDI) as a long-term sabbatical. Reframing enabled me to accept my changed life circumstances.

Since then, I’ve further reframed my experience as God making me stay home to care for my high needs son (a migraineur who has struggled with co-occurring anxiety, depression, and health issues).

Of course, I don’t receive disability to be a stay-at-home mom. But, I didn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom. So, I’ve chosen to reframe my experience this way. I had to be broken to leave my ambitions behind, to accept a new lifestyle, to reprioritize my life.

Now, I do other work — I volunteer my writing, my time, and my knowledge and experience — while on my extended sabbatical from my former work.

What I can do, I do, and I do it well. No longer expect myself to work as I once did. It wasn’t good for me or for my family.

How I’ve Been Grieving Lately

Sisters Kayaking
My sister and me kayaking at Suttle Lake, OR

Before my father passed away, I planned to attend the Sunriver Writers’ Summit. Unfortunately, the summit followed only a month after his death, and I felt too raw to attend.

Social gatherings overwhelm and exhaust me and can trigger mood cycling, first hypomania as I get overstimulated and later a need to recover which looks like depression.

Now’s not the time. Now’s the time to spend with family. Visiting my mother and taking her out to lunch, which she enjoys. Seeing my sister, for we both deeply miss our father. So, instead of attending the writers’ summit, I visited Oregon with my husband and spent time with my sister and extended family.

We left our almost 18-year old son home alone, forcing him to forage a well-stocked refrigerator and freezer by himself. He managed to stay alive. Step in the right direction. (Got to encourage independent living skills before he goes out on his own.)

Amazon Women Fight with Words

Amazon Women FIght with Words. Kitt O'Malley, Warrior. Sarah Fader, Coach.
Amazon women fight stigma with words.

Intuitive Coaching & Tarot Reading

Thank you, Sarah Fader, for your intuitive book coaching session and for being a wonderful, supportive, understanding, compassionate friend. Here are the notes from our Sunday, April 8th session, which actually was an intuitive Tarot card reading.

Notebook by bed. Wake up. One page of what thinking. Stream of consciousness. Take pic with phone. Post as blog post. Invite community to comment on it. Whoever can read it will give you insight.
Keep a notebook by my bed.

Notebook by bed. Wake up. One page of what thinking. Stream of consciousness. Take pic with phone. Post as blog post. Invite community to comment on it. Whoever can read it will give you insight.

Talk to self like talk to clients. Not perfection. In morning when first awake, you are free and sedated (sleepy, not quite awake). Actively dream. Take 250mg Mg (magnesium) (Sarah recommended Natural Calm, but it has calcium and my blood calcium was too high when I took supplements with calcium). Compassion. Take care of yourself. Self compassion. [NOT] inner critic road.
Exercise self-compassion. Quiet the inner critic.
Talk to self like talk to clients. Not perfection. In morning when first awake, you are free and sedated (sleepy, not quite awake). Actively dream. Take 250mg Mg (magnesium) (Sarah recommended Natural Calm, but it has calcium and my blood calcium was too high when I took supplements with calcium). Compassion. Take care of yourself. Self compassion. [NOT] inner critic road.

Kitt, I am so sorry you feel this way about you. I am deeply sorry that you feel this way about yourself. Read Sarah Fader's blog post about parenting an ODD child. Must look at self differently. Stop owning perceptions of other people of yourself.
Look at yourself differently. Stop owning other people’s perception of you.

Kitt, I am so sorry you feel this way about you. I am deeply sorry that you feel this way about yourself. Read Sarah Fader’s blog post about parenting an ODD child. Must look at self differently. Stop owning perceptions of other people of yourself.

Validate other's feelings. I'm doing the best I can. Kitt, you are a brilliant, talented, educated, wealthy person. Writer's Block: [memoir draft so far] banal, not you. You are telling a story that belongs to you. You are holding back because you are afraid to hurt people.
Writer’s Block: I hold back, for I fear hurting people
Validate other’s feelings. I’m doing the best I can. Kitt, you are a brilliant, talented, educated, wealthy person. Writer’s Block: [memoir draft so far] banal, not you. You are telling a story that belongs to you. You are holding back because you are afraid to hurt people.

Channel that part of yourself that wants to fight in your book [memoir not yet completed]. Put secrets in book. Will feel bad. Be prepared. Maybe depression. That's OK. BeReal. Stop therapizing yourself. Go back to that warrior part of yourself. Amazon woman. Fight with your words.
Amazon Woman, Fight with Your Words
Channel that part of yourself that wants to fight in your book [memoir not yet completed]. Put secrets in book. Will feel bad. Be prepared. Maybe depression. That’s OK. BeReal. Stop therapizing yourself. Go back to that warrior part of yourself. Amazon woman. Fight with your words.