Brain broken
Frustrating
Do not remember
Must constantly relearn
Brain not functioning properly
Not functioning as it once did
Must constantly relearn
Damn, I hate bipolar disorder
Broken Brain
Comments
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Sounds like you are taking those steps. Well done.
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Thank you. I was reading my response again and it seems very “hectic” doesn’t it. It is difficult to find balance at times. I find it difficult to have patience, make lists and stick to a plan-with some added flexibility when needed-when it comes to my own life. However, each of those steps are necessary to finding some balance and at least some vision of the steps forward away from the darkness.
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Do what you can when you can, while maintaining your health.
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Thank you so much for your words of support. I have been tutoring on line and in person people who need help passing their Nursing and Respiratory licensing exams. I find that it is quite rewarding and helps remind me that all that experience is good for something. I am going to stick with that. I seem to be doing okay with it. 😀 I am going to make up business cards and flyers next to put up around some of the colleges and schools. Hopefully that will get me a good clientele list. I have also really missed writing and have thought about all the time wasted over this last year that I have not done much. And I want to do more. I should look at this time as a blessing, not a curse. As they say one or more doors may have closed, but others will open. Especially if you look for them or make your own. I have a husband that supports my writing and blogging. He supports my tutoring and creativity. I am very fortunate.
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Without a doubt. We are loved and loving. We have value. I agree that both humans and animals have souls. We are connected to nature, too.
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Remember Kitt that even when the brains are “off”, there is still a soul in you; the part that is spiritual and not that brainy. I hate the fact that I inherited the “bad genes”, “physiologically” speaking. However, there is still a soul in me. I try to learn from animals. Their souls are pure. I try to forget I even have a brain.
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You are welcome. Let me remind you that your years of medical experience are NOT for naught. Your knowledge is still valuable, even if you no longer make money. You are valuable. Your greatest value, in my opinion, is as “mother” to your granddaughter. Our relationships with ourself and with those we love are far more important than any money we make.
It’s frustrating, though, to not fully exercise our intellect. In writing, you do so. I now know that you are quite knowledgeable and skilled in the medical field. Who knows how that knowledge and those skills may serve you in the future? -
That’s what has happened to me with blogging and writing. I wanted to try to do it more as a profession and I can’t seem to handle it. Forget trying to find a job, take care of a home, be a wife and “mother” to my granddaughter all at the same time. Even adding a little more stress now days makes multiple tasks impossible. I am frayed beyond repair. No more Respiratory Therapist, Nurse or Cardiovascular Technician. The knowledge is there, just not the quick reflexes and quick on your feet thinking I need. 30 years of medical experience down the toilet in regards to actually working in the field. It has taken my identity and my feelings of self-worth. Thanks for putting into words what so often I feel and can’t. And having a supportive, loving husband has made all the difference in the world.
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You’re very welcome!
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Here’s one of many research articles about it: Cognitive Function Across Manic or Hypomanic, Depressed, and Euthymic States in Bipolar Disorder | American Journal of Psychiatry.
“A poorer performance was observed in all bipolar groups regarding executive function and verbal memory in relation to the healthy comparison subjects. These cognitive difficulties, especially related to verbal memory, may help explain the impairment regarding daily functioning, even during remission.”
Brain scans show that proper medication does protect our brains, helping to slow, prevent, and reverse cognitive decline. Still, I find it frustrating. -
Thank you for sharing it.
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Ok so it’s not just me. My husband is all, “It’s normal. Everyone forgets shit.” And I’m all, “Nope. I’m pretty sure this is excessive.”
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Oh, my gosh!
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Psychoanalytic theory, actually. Not necessarily true, but true in some instances, not as a biological instance, but as a coping mechanism.
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My pleasure!
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Aww, thank you. Now I’m crying. Need tissues.
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Thanks for reblogging, Vic!
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I am blown away! What an incredible poem. You distilled so much into so few words. Thank you. I am immensely flattered.
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That’s the perfect word for it: harnessed – you got it! I’d rather be angry than depressed; the aphorism (?) “depression is anger turned inward” has never rung true for me.
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Yes. Frustrating, to say the least.
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Reblogged this on Heal My Complex PTSD and commented:
Broken Brain, a short, deeply evocative poem by Kitt O’Malley, inspired me to write the following poem of my own:
First they said I was schizophrenic
then they said I wasn’t
later they said I had bipolar
then they said I didn’t
today they say I have PTSD
of the Complex variety
Who am I really?
I am a lost little girl
trapped in a grandma’s body
stumbling over
the broken pieces
of me. -
Girl, you are singing my song. Of all the things I’ve lost to bipolar, I miss my ability to learn the most. It cost me the government job I should have been able to retire from in a dozen years or so. It cost me a home and a lifestyle that I loved very much. It makes me so angry!
Thanks for verbalizing what I feel every day. -
Anger can be (now I struggle to find the word that I should know, that I used to know, crap…) harnessed (I think that’s the word) constructively.
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That’s why I really only blog for myself. I fall apart when I try to extend myself. If I take care of myself and my son, I feel I’m doing well. Helps to have a supportive husband.
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I hate it too!!!!
Madeleine L’Engle’s protagonist Meg Murry uses her anger to defeat the evil IT in
“A Wrinkle In Time”, which inspires me to utilize my anger in telling bipolar to “suck it!”
when I’m feeling low. -
Brilliant reply. Thank you.
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Hi. It’s hard at 45 and on multi meds (especially the antipsychotic) trying to learn new things. I used to be a radio disc jockey. After I got put on Seroquel, I was no longer quick and reflexive enough to ‘run a board,’ which means to push all the right buttons for songs, commercials and promos in between songs. ‘Running a tight board,’ is an integral part of the skill set. Today I saw Sicario and a lot of Spanish that I learned as a kid was spoken with subtitles. I had learned a lot of Spanish as a kid living near San Diego and later when I spent an extended time in Baja. I would like to do Rosetta Stone or get in a formal class and relearn Spanish because I find that language so rewarding. But I know how the results would be.
Just to learn social media skills and basic computer skills I’ve taken class after class and study my 50 pages of notes twice a month just to retain the knowledge. I only blog for one publisher because they are all different in what they want and how they want their submissions and I don’t want to get confused. So I hear you, Kitt, about broken brain. -
I also
feel
the
frustration
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