Kitt O’Malley

Structure

in ,

Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup

When my husband or son stay home because they are ill, I lose the structure around which I organize my day and my self. I need the book ends of bringing my son to and from school, having my husband go to work and come home. When they are home needing me, needing attention, needing soup and crackers, I lose something of my self. I feel depleted, exhausted. My boundaries need reinforcement. My sense of self does not thrive under these circumstances. I am not well-suited to be a full-time around-the-clock caretaker. They’ve been sick on and off since Christmas. I am so weary.

Comments

26 responses to “Structure”

  1. Structure – The Good Men Project – My Local Pages

    […] post was previously published on Kitt O’Malley and is republished here with permission from the […]

  2. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    I’m worried because Matthew has lost 8 lbs. A couple of years ago we had to take him to the hospital because he became dangerously dehydrated with a stomach flu. As a toddler, too, he needed an IV from the ER.

  3. dyane Avatar
    dyane

    Rats – I’m so sorry. I know it’s hard enough to be sick yourself, but when it’s your child, and it’s not going away……you know I get that. Sending you hugs!!!

  4. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    That, too. I need the solitude, as well.

  5. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    He’s still asleep. I’ll have to take him to see a doctor before taking him back to school since he’s missed over 3 days.

  6. Joy Avatar
    Joy

    I understand. For me it’s less the structure and more the solitude so I can process things better. Be kind to yourself 🙂

  7. dyane Avatar
    dyane

    I’m so sorry he was feeling that weak….thinking of you all! I hope that he feels much better in the morning!

  8. hirundine608 Avatar
    hirundine608

    Ahh! Good luck! It’s been a number of years since any of that, might have been an issue. I’m likely way too comfortable in my own routine. To even remember all that stuff.

  9. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Vic, for acknowledging that loving men isn’t always easy. You truly are the voice of reason.

  10. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    The issue is having them home interferes with my need for structure. I structure my day around them coming and going. Just having them around, whether or not I interact with them, throws me for a loop.

  11. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Me, too, but Matthew was so weak this afternoon that I had to help him walk up the stairs.

  12. Just Plain Ol' Vic Avatar
    Just Plain Ol’ Vic

    I know it is soooooo hard for us men to not be whiny when we are sick!!!

    😉

    Do take care of yourself!

  13. hirundine608 Avatar
    hirundine608

    I suppose it’s not my place? Yet, why do they need you, for that stuff?

    Are they suffering from bed-ridden ailments? Or just expect the woman of the house, to wait on them? I’ve been married twice, and neither time did I ever get that treatment. … even when on doctor’s orders, “Stay in bed”. .. Just askin’?

  14. dyane Avatar
    dyane

    p.s. I just read your comment about the dogs not letting you stay in bed – I didn’t mean to rub it in Lucy’s bed-loving tendencies!!! :0 One habit of hers that isn’t so cute is that she likes to wake me up and pounce on me anytime between 5:00 – 5:30 AM!

  15. dyane Avatar
    dyane

    I echo the “I understands” above as God & you both know, I do understand!!!!
    I too am weary.

    After helping get two cranky girls ready for school and then driving them there (my eldest had her handmade model of Mission San Buenaventura precariously perched on her lap) I returned to a quiet home.

    Feeling exhausted, I was able to go lay down on my bed with a freshly bathed, sweet-smelling, super-soft Lucy for a couple quiet hours this morning.

    Did I actually drift off to a blissful sleep?
    NO, as much as I hoped for it; in any case I needed to be still and quiet.

    Did I feel guilty for not Doing Something?
    YES! (but I got over that…)

    Was I deeply thankful for every calm, puppy-cuddling second?
    YES!!!!

    I hope you return to a refreshed state SOON, and that everyone in the household stays healthy for a super-extended period of time!!!

  16. blahpolar Avatar
    blahpolar

    Life sounds alright 😀 but yeahhh your menfolk need to get their acts together on the health front. Lol.

  17. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Exactly. I now know why women go nuts when their husbands retire.

  18. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    I know! How dare they get sick with stomach flus, then get sick with upper respiratory infections, then get sinus infections, and NOW my son has a stomach bug AGAIN. Yes, they’ve been miserable, but whether or not I, too, am sick, I tend to be the caretaker. Though, in all fairness, my husband will bring me meals in bed on the weekends so that I can rest and/or type away non-stop on my laptop in the lap of luxury. The dogs won’t let me stay in bed during the week. My older dog insists that I get out of bed and go downstairs week days.

  19. Anxious Mom Avatar
    Anxious Mom

    Ah I know what you mean. My husband has been working from home for a while now and it’s still hard to get used to someone always being around.

  20. blahpolar Avatar
    blahpolar

    Hope they recover soon, so you can get your own rhythm and balance back.

  21. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Rosie!

  22. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Husband’s on antibiotics and back to work. Son is in bed. Thank you, Laura. Hope all is well with you and yours.

  23. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Writers are like that, you know.

  24. Everything's Coming Up Rosie Avatar
    Everything’s Coming Up Rosie

    Totally understandable! I can relate. Hope your family feels better soon.

  25. Laura Droege Avatar
    Laura Droege

    I understand! I thrive on structure, routine, and organization. I hope they recover completely soon.

  26. kbailey374 Avatar
    kbailey374

    🙁 hope they are well soon! I truly empathize. I had my son living in my efficiency for the last year. He’s been gone a month and I still have not recovered. I need, I crave, the time and the separation from the world. Doesn’t make me a bad person (Have to keep telling myself that lol)

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