Kitt O’Malley

As a Child

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As a child I wanted to be a doctor
To cure people of disease
As a teen I wanted to be a neurosurgeon
To fix brains with a scalpel

As a young woman
I became a psychotherapist
To fix troubled youth with broken lives
With the exchange of spoken words

I kept falling apart
My brain was broken
My thoughts self-loathing or racing
My emotions unbearably intense

Over and over
I sought and received help
First with psychotherapy
Later with medicine

Today I remain a broken woman
Still healing, still learning
Today I use words, written words, spoken words
To touch, heal, and teach others

Or so I hope

Comments

46 responses to “As a Child”

  1. Insight into My Blog – Kitt O'Malley

    […] As a Child […]

  2. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Jeff Nguyen at http://deconstructingmyths.com/2014/09/19/jeffster-awards-33/, for nominating this post for the Jeffster Award.

  3. Jeffster Awards #33 | Deconstructing Myths

    […] As a Child at Kitt O’Malley […]

  4. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Bravo! Small victories are huge victories. Upon them, we build our recovery to improved mental health.

  5. Tobey Avatar
    Tobey

    Well, I believe that I’ve got all of those on my side…
    But I am heading in the right direction.
    Everyday I am doing (ok, maybe every other day) something for ME.
    Today I cleared off my cluttered desk!

  6. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you. Yes, of course I have the courage. I have a kid, too, who needs me. And, I have purpose.

  7. Yolanda Isabel Regueira Marin Avatar
    Yolanda Isabel Regueira Marin

    You have the courage to continue on your journey 🙂

  8. Nuuray Avatar
    Nuuray

    Thank you for your honesty. I think as humans being we all need to touch a life. For the benefit and our own.

  9. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    I agree, Dani, that we are all broken and that it is okay that we are broken. We are loved in our brokenness.

  10. Dani Avatar
    Dani

    Oh, Kitt, we are all broken, but it different ways. May the words you speak and write continue to heal your heart and soul. And may they continue to breathe life into others…myself included.

    With heart,
    Dani

  11. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Major depressive disorder can be biological in origin, as well as a reaction to grief or to trauma.

  12. Tobey Avatar
    Tobey

    I wish that I could blame it on “bi-polar”. I have been upgraded to major depressive disorder as they’ve added Abilify (hello weight gain!). It’s never easy…
    Hang in there!

  13. glenn2point0 Avatar
    glenn2point0

    But we do adapt as best we can ☺

  14. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Vic. I will let you know when I write my post accepting the award.

  15. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    We must take care of ourselves, yes. But my brokenness is not so much due to codependence as it is to mental illness. Having bipolar disorder does put me at risk of overworking during my hypomanic phases, of which employers once did take advantage.

  16. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, and thank you for fostering children. I wish you the best with your mental health, in your psychology studies, and in your future.

  17. Just Plain Ol' Vic Avatar
    Just Plain Ol’ Vic

    I have nominated you for the Beautiful Blogger Award:

    Details here: http://justplainolvic.wordpress.com/2014/08/17/beautiful-blogger-award/

    Congrats!

  18. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Emma.

  19. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    You are welcome.

  20. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    You are welcome. We mourn the loss of dreams, of expectations, of functionality, when we are saddled with a mental illness. Life, quite simply, is not fair.

  21. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Yes, of course. Thank you for suggesting, offering, hope.

  22. Tobey Avatar
    Tobey

    You are not alone, there is a silent army of us.
    Broken but who keep it together to take care of the world.
    We leave ourselves behind and suffer.
    I should have learned how to be selfish instead of a codependent.

  23. PurpleHeadspace Avatar
    PurpleHeadspace

    Your words have been of great support to me Kitt. I truly think you have an empathy that shines despite the miles between us.

    I am studying psychology and perhaps this is what leads us to such paths, our underlying experience – I was not aware of my bipolar or even deep troubles before starting my study path. I of course was aware I suffer depression from ‘time to time’ but ultimately working with children in care as a foster carer is what drove me into psychology in my concious mind.

    Thank you so much for taking the time to support me, i will be forever grateful and wish you well for years to come.

  24. emmasouthlondon Avatar
    emmasouthlondon

    Thanks for sharing, Kitt.
    Your poem is touching, beautiful and graphic.
    Your words do help others, I can vouch for that.
    Glad I found your blog.
    Emma x.

  25. Francisco J. Veismann Avatar
    Francisco J. Veismann

    Hi and many thanks

    Thanks

    avi

  26. glenn2point0 Avatar
    glenn2point0

    Hey Kitt, thanks for not mixing words. We are broken, and this is highlighted and at its most extreme if you take away our medications. And who knows how long the medications will be effective for? And, yes, your words touch others. Thanks!

  27. Gunmetal Geisha Avatar
    Gunmetal Geisha

    Of course, I meant in general, outside of this poem.

  28. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    I will think about it. Thanks for the suggestion.

  29. Just Plain Ol' Vic Avatar
    Just Plain Ol’ Vic

    In that case, I cannot disagree with you!

  30. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Ellen.

  31. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    I am beautifully broken, like a piece of Japanese Kintsugi pottery where shards are glued back together using precious metal, making an even more beautiful whole.

  32. Gunmetal Geisha Avatar
    Gunmetal Geisha

    I wish we could exchange “broken” for “shaken.” “Broken” seems final. “Shaken” could go on for a long time, but it could stop too.

  33. stockdalewolfe Avatar
    stockdalewolfe

    Thank you for educating us all on Bipolar disorder with your intelligent, honest prose and poetry. You are doing Bipolars a tremendous service.

  34. Just Plain Ol' Vic Avatar
    Just Plain Ol’ Vic

    This is such a beautifully worded post, so honest. Personally I do not like to think of anyone with mental health issues as “broken.” Certainly I do not look at my wife that way.

    Humans are wonderfully complex and flawed creatures. To be flawed, to have challenges in life and to strive to overcome is part of the human experience.

    In the short time I have known you, I am confident that you have the strength to heal!

  35. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Erin. Very thoughtful and generous of you.

  36. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you, Phil.

  37. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you.

  38. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you.

  39. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you.

  40. Kitt O'Malley Avatar
    Kitt O’Malley

    Thank you so much. Sorry to hear that you have known suffering, too.

  41. erin stokes Avatar
    erin stokes

    Dear Kitt,

    After reading the material in your blog, I would like to ammend my comment.

    Thank you for sharing your story. Your courage is inspiring to me on a personal level. The education that you are offering to the public is fantastic. I wish you fulfilling success professionally and personally. I am excited to be able to follow your story in future.

  42. philsblog01 Avatar
    philsblog01

    Kitt, you may be wounded by life’s arrows, you are not broken. Your very blog, including your poetry clearly demonstrate that. Phil.

  43. shoe1000 Avatar
    shoe1000

    Your words touch me.

  44. Indah Susanti Avatar
    Indah Susanti

    So deep and beautiful, sincere and thoughtful. Be strong and I know you are and you will…my best wishes for you..

  45. mihrank Avatar
    mihrank

    wow – what a strong honest introduction about yourself. I am glad and humbled sharing it. I will always wish you success and good health!!

  46. erin stokes Avatar
    erin stokes

    That was beautiful Kitt. Terribly honest and honestly terrible. I am sorry for your suffering, I know plenty of it myself.

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