I Miss My Old Blogging Friends

I Miss My Old Blogging Friends

I wrote the following post last year. Still applies. Now I’m busy with caregiving. My responsibilities have grown. My focus has changed. Now I blog less about living with bipolar and more about caregiving. Still, I do not have enough time to read and comment on all the wonderful blogs out there. On top of caregiving, I’m preparing for BlogHer16. After BlogHer, I’m attending NAMI’s California conference in late August and a writers’ conference in September.


Have I Lost My Blogging Friends?

Published August 12, 2015

So I’ve been busy, much busier than usual, in my real life, interacting with people in the flesh, which overstimulates me, so I haven’t been reading and commenting on other blog posts like I usually do, like I used to do.

The posts I published Wednesday received few comments. I wonder, is it because I have let down my online community of mutually supportive readers by not reading and commenting on their posts? Or, is it because my posts were not personal or particularly original in nature — just a rehash of a conference I attended Friday and Saturday and a repost of a TIME, Inc. infographic about why we still need Women’s Equality Day ? Perhaps my last post was simply too long (and boring, I now realize in going back and reading it).

I’ve been feeling guilty for not reading and commenting as much on other blogs, but I can only do so much, and taking care of myself comes first. I respond to comments on my blog. But, there are simply too many other blogs to read them all. I’m not even reading those with whom I’ve developed close online friendships.

Writing helps me. Consuming seemingly endless numbers of mental health posts, commenting on them and sharing them, unfortunately, does not. Perhaps doing so helps others, just not me. Not when I’m too overwhelmed. Not when I’m doing my best to slow down.

By the way, did some more in person volunteering. Once again trying to figure this one out. How much in-person social interaction and volunteering I can take on without spinning like a hypomanic top.

Have I Lost My Blogging Friends?

Have I Lost My Blogging Friends?

So I’ve been busy, much busier than usual, in my real life, interacting with people in the flesh, which overstimulates me, so I haven’t been reading and commenting on other blog posts like I usually do, like I used to do.

The posts I published Wednesday received few comments. I wonder, is it because I have let down my online community of mutually supportive readers by not reading and commenting on their posts? Or, is it because my posts were not personal or particularly original in nature — just a rehash of a conference I attended Friday and Saturday and a repost of a TIME, Inc. infographic about why we still need Women’s Equality Day ? Perhaps my last post was simply too long (and boring, I now realize in going back and reading it).

I’ve been feeling guilty for not reading and commenting as much on other blogs, but I can only do so much, and taking care of myself comes first. I respond to comments on my blog. But, there are simply too many other blogs to read them all. I’m not even reading those with whom I’ve developed close online friendships.

Writing helps me. Consuming seemingly endless numbers of mental health posts, commenting on them and sharing them, unfortunately, does not. Perhaps doing so helps others, just not me. Not when I’m too overwhelmed. Not when I’m doing my best to slow down.

By the way, did some more in person volunteering. Once again trying to figure this one out. How much in-person social interaction and volunteering I can take on without spinning like a hypomanic top.

Still Insecure

#BeReal Image of me without make-up on left, wrinkles and turkey neck evident. Image of me with make-up and hair blown dry straight on right, no wrinkles or turkey neck in evidence.

Hastywords asked me to participate in her #BeReal campaign. On my first response to one of her questions, I showed my insecurity rather than my confidence. Both are just as much a part of me. Just as real. I am not without self-doubt or self-loathing. I am both confident and insecure.

Here is her question and my first response. (I rewrote it and sent her a more confident response for publication.)

Q: What do you think most people think about you by just seeing your picture?

A: Left-hand image: middle-aged, fat, plain, sex-less. Right-hand image: white privileged bitch.

Honestly, I have no desire to analyze my response. Only want to put it out there. Sometimes I feel good about myself, other times I do not. I am not as sexy as I once was.

I do not present myself as sexy, for that would be inappropriate. My son would die of embarrassment, and my husband prefers that I present that side of myself in private only to him.

I am aware that I am privileged. I know that. I look like the educated, upper middle class suburban mother that I am. When I speak, I often use big words, which can be offputting. Not everyone likes me. So be it.

Where Am I Going From Here?

Went to group therapy Tuesday, and attended my first Toastmasters meeting earlier that day. Toastmasters was very structured, probably too structured for my tastes, though worked well in that they covered a lot of ground in one hour. Mentioned in group that I completed my continuing education units to renew my Marriage and Family Therapist license on an active basis, and got positive feedback. I was afraid that my psychiatrist would disapprove. Not sure why. Guess I don’t yet feel competent enough, well enough; though that fear may be unfounded. I do, of course, have some catching up to do in terms of professional development having been out of the loop for a couple of decades. This is the first time since I was thirty that I have seriously considered and took steps toward re-entering the mental health field as a licensed professional.

Where am I going from here? Well, for one thing, whether or not I attend Toastmasters again, I consider myself an orator to be, an orator at heart. I’m sure Toastmasters would be helpful, but I do not feel comfortable with the format. Time tested, yes, but, well, I don’t know, maybe it’s just that part of me that doesn’t like dancing choreographed steps. I chafe at structure. I know, or so I’ve been told, that structure is helpful, necessary even, for those with bipolar disorder. But, I prefer to live my life with fewer constraints.