Category: Depression
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Worn Out
Exhausted Overwhelmed Not thinking clearly Not able to complete sentences Not able to answer direct questions Fumbling with language With spoken language With what I hear With what I read So sleepy Feared falling asleep Driving to doctor’s office Door locked Looked at calendar Over an hour early Went back to parked car Overlooking hill…
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I Don’t Want to Write About #Suicide for #WorldSuicidePreventionDay
Poem recalling suicide of extended family member and my own suicidality at 18
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I do not whisper. I ROAR.
Motherhood transformed me. My identity changed. Now it changes again. I have constantly reinvented myself over my lifetime. As a pre-med biochemistry major at UCLA, I was miserable and suicidal. Then I studied part-time at a community college, biding time to find my direction. Finding a niche as a legal studies major at UC Berkeley, I tried to…
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Book Reviews: fAdE tO bLuE and mOnOchrOme
fAdE tO bLuE by H.M. Jones fAdE tO bLuE is H.M. Jones‘ prequel to mOnOchrOme. Those of us who read Monochrome met the fascinating character Ishmael. This prequel gives us Ishmael’s back story and explains more about how the hellish world of Monochrome works. Monochrome is a creative metaphor for depression, specifically suicidal depression. Ishmael’s childhood was filled with trauma…
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Review: Birth of a New Brain #PostPartumBipolar
Dyane Harwood thrilled me when she sent me an advance copy of her memoir, Birth of a New Brain: Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder. (I pre-ordered it and was anxiously awaiting it’s October 2017 release.) Her memoir fills a much-needed niche in sharing the experience of bipolar disorder, peripartum onset (beginning during pregnancy or within…
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Hypomania, Praise, and Self-Talk
Photo thanks to Gustavo Espíndola The praise came. Kitt loved to please. The more praise she received, the better she felt. The more she achieved, the higher she soared, until she couldn’t. Her body couldn’t keep up. She broke down, couldn’t get out of bed, and beat herself up for falling, for failing. Talking to…
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ALPIM Anxiety-Laxity-Pain-Immune-Mood
Many of us living with mental illness have other chronic illnesses. Often we are not treated for our “physical” illnesses, as many doctors dismiss them as psychosomatic. “Mental” illnesses ARE “physical” illnesses, and “physical” illnesses affect our “mental” illnesses. We are not just our brains, just our bodies, just our minds, just our feelings, or just our souls.…
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Writing to Discipline My Thoughts
This morning I attended an OC Writers’ write-in. I haven’t attended a writers’ group in a long time. Been isolating myself and focusing on my son rather than my writing, rather than myself. Today, I left him home in bed, then left the meeting early to get him to class on time. When I got…