Category: Grief
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Now Grief Feels Like Nothing
Unlike grief theories that propose defined stages, grief is not linear, nor is it universal. We grieve differently. Now I feel nothing. I’m numb. My psychologist describes it as “taking care of business,” reframing what I’m going through, my coping mechanism, in a positive way. Quoting MedlinePlus, NIH, U.S. National Library of Medicine at https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/001530.htm…
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Happy Holidays!
I have not been up to writing recently. Just been binge watching TV and doing jigsaw puzzles on my iPad. This season is emotionally fraught for me, starting with my mother’s birthday in October, Thanksgiving, my father’s birthday in December, then my husband’s birthday, then Christmas, finally New Year’s (which we sleep through). Never much…
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I Don’t Want to Write About #Suicide for #WorldSuicidePreventionDay
Poem recalling suicide of extended family member and my own suicidality at 18
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Who Do I Care For, Really?
I spend way too much emotional and physical energy toward the care of others, aside from myself. Why do I care so much, too much? No doubt due to my upbringing, to my relationship to my parents – trying to please, to earn their love and approval. Why, after decades of therapy, do I still feel and act as…
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Shedding a Few Tears
It’s been a year. It’s been a year since I noticed that my mother hadn’t taken her turn in Words with Friends. It’s been a year since my mother was verbal. It’s been a year since she could use language. Her passion was words. She spent her days playing word games. She was proud that she…
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Hot Flashes
Hot flashes Warm flashes Tears held inside Emotions fragile Menopause is a bitch But this bitch can handle it
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Flight Back Home
Friday, July 15th Last Saturday, the day after we returned from Oregon, my mother was psychiatrically hospitalized for the third time since her stroke last November. Yesterday morning, I met with the treatment team at her psychiatric hospital. They do not think she needs long-term psychiatric placement. They believe her memory care community is the best…
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What If I Don't Blog About Bipolar?
Recently I’ve been blogging about caregiving and about exhaustion more than about living with bipolar disorder. That said, obviously coping with major life events, such as taking on the role of caregiver of two parents struggling with dementia, is a HUGE stressor and potential trigger for mood cycling. Cocooning in bed right now. Treated myself…
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Mother's Day Guilt
Journal – Saturday, May 7, 2016 So here I am once again typing. Still fatigued. In bed. Nick is gathering laundry. I’m lucky to have a husband who will do laundry. Looking forward to a simple breakfast of Cheerios and banana and a strong cup of coffee. Nick’s going to make me breakfast and coffee…