Search results for: “bipolar”
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I do not whisper. I ROAR.
Motherhood transformed me. My identity changed. Now it changes again. I have constantly reinvented myself over my lifetime. As a pre-med biochemistry major at UCLA, I was miserable and suicidal. Then I studied part-time at a community college, biding time to find my direction. Finding a niche as a legal studies major at UC Berkeley, I tried to…
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Barely Fiction: Kate.1
Her true and legal name is Kitt Kathleen O’Malley. She loves her name and is grateful her parents came up with it — a great stage name if there ever was one. Her first name is typically a nickname for Katherine or Kathleen, so her name is redundant. She had thought that Katherine meant catharsis,…
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Book Reviews: fAdE tO bLuE and mOnOchrOme
fAdE tO bLuE by H.M. Jones fAdE tO bLuE is H.M. Jones‘ prequel to mOnOchrOme. Those of us who read Monochrome met the fascinating character Ishmael. This prequel gives us Ishmael’s back story and explains more about how the hellish world of Monochrome works. Monochrome is a creative metaphor for depression, specifically suicidal depression. Ishmael’s childhood was filled with trauma…
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Hypomania, Praise, and Self-Talk
Photo thanks to Gustavo Espíndola The praise came. Kitt loved to please. The more praise she received, the better she felt. The more she achieved, the higher she soared, until she couldn’t. Her body couldn’t keep up. She broke down, couldn’t get out of bed, and beat herself up for falling, for failing. Talking to…
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ALPIM Anxiety-Laxity-Pain-Immune-Mood
Many of us living with mental illness have other chronic illnesses. Often we are not treated for our “physical” illnesses, as many doctors dismiss them as psychosomatic. “Mental” illnesses ARE “physical” illnesses, and “physical” illnesses affect our “mental” illnesses. We are not just our brains, just our bodies, just our minds, just our feelings, or just our souls.…
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Walking the Line
Living with bipolar is like walking on a tightrope, trying to maintain my balance, fearful of each step I take. As a young adult, I didn’t understand what triggered my highs and lows. I saw depression as a problem, but I didn’t fully understand the role of workaholism, overachievement, and perfectionism, even as I crashed…
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Silent Lately
I haven’t written in a while, nor have I read or commented on others’ posts. I used to write brief reviews after reading a book. Recently, I’ve simply left stars on Amazon and Good Reads. Why? Because I simply needed to recover. Recovering not from an episode of bipolar disorder – though I do live…
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Rejected
Just got rejected by an online psychotherapist using LiveHealthOnline. Ouch. Slap in face. No doubt because of my bipolar diagnosis. I understand that online therapy is not always appropriate. The therapist in question may not have had the proper background and training. Still, it hurts, and I remain… I don’t know… Vulnerable… Feeling in need…
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Spring Brings Hypomania
This year, as winter has ended and spring has begun, I’ve taken it slowly and protected myself from overstimulation. You have not heard from me as much, as I’ve not been as active writing here or on social media. You see, springtime triggers hypomania in me. Now I’m experiencing mild hypomania, irritability, and some mixed…
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Who Do I Care For, Really?
I spend way too much emotional and physical energy toward the care of others, aside from myself. Why do I care so much, too much? No doubt due to my upbringing, to my relationship to my parents – trying to please, to earn their love and approval. Why, after decades of therapy, do I still feel and act as…